If my mom, who is supposed to love more than anybody else, is not kind to me, who else will be? This is the most frequent question many children are asking themselves today.
But do they mean those unkind things they do or say? Good parents always protect their children from harm and should be the last person to hurt you.
Your mom is supposed to be the most special person in your life. This hurts even more when she says something that offends you, hurting your feelings.
You might not know what to do or how to respond. This article will help you learn how to respond to a mom who doesn’t care about your feelings while taking care of yourself.
1. Is It Normal To Feel Hurt?
It’s normal to feel hurt, and your temper rises if your mom says something unkind to you. Don’t respond or argue immediately. Take deep, slow breaths to calm yourself. It can help to walk out of place to get some space.
Your mom might not be able to accept you the way you are, but you can change how you see her. This can change everything.
You cannot change your mom, and you may not be able to leave your home and how frequently you meet with her. Changing how you respond to her can change everything.
2. Why Does Your Mom Hurt You?
My mom doesn’t care about my feelingsbut do you know much about your mom? Try to find out more about her past, personality, and childhood. If you learn more about your mom, you’ll learn more about why nothing is ever good enough for her. You’ll feel empathy and compassion toward her, changing how you perceive her.
Your mom might be trying to cope with childhood emotional pain. She might be dealing with trauma, and it’s difficult for her to work through it. She can be fixated on it and you to the point of using you as a release.
This can help you understand that her hurtful comments or character are more about her incapability to deal with the situation than anything you did.
When your mom hurts your feelings when it’s not your fault, there might be several other reasons behind it, including;
- Poor emotional intelligence
- Mental health issues such as depression
- Substance abuse issues such as alcoholism
- Poor problem-solving skills etc.
These cases can lead to your mom’s saying or doing things that often leave you hurt and feeling bad.
After understanding your mom for whom she is, you need to accept yourself for who you are. Maybe your mom is a perfectionist who cannot accept you no matter what. Your mom might tell you that whatever you do is not good enough. Your mom can make you feel very bad about yourself.
You can’t control what your mom says or does to you, but it’s up to you to control what you think about yourself. You can replace those “I’m not good enough” words with healthier ones because you can do so.
3. Do I Respond When My Mom Doesn’t Care About my Feelings?
Coping with a mom, you can’t get on with can be very frustrating. However, when you understand how you can respond when your mom hurts your feelings, you can stay around her without feeling irritated. There are happier and healthier ways to handle a mom who doesn’t see anything good in you. Here are several things you can do about it.
4. Express Your Feelings
Express your feelings to your mom for her to know you’re hurting. It can be frightening or crushing to approach your mom to discuss your feelings, but it’s a big and bold step. Keep your tone of voice calm and use polite language. This will make her more likely to listen to you calmly. Tell her she is hurting your feelings and you’d like to see change.
5. Create An Emotional Space
If your mom hurts your feelings time after time, create an emotional space between you and your mom. You can practice detaching, whereby you distance yourself emotionally from what she says or does.
If you can’t leave physically, you can mentally detach yourself by believing you’re not responsible for your mom’s feelings and not rise to her hurtful challenge. Emotional space can be a great thing to help you protect your feelings.
6. Create Healthy Boundaries
Identify the behaviors you would like your mom to stop and establish boundaries. You might need some distance from your mom to create boundaries you’re incapable of verbally making. These boundaries are for you because you’re doing it for yourself.
You want to make sure that she knows what behavior is appropriate and what’s not because it will help you start to heal.
You should communicate your boundaries politely and clearly and hold firm even though your mom pushes back. You still love her, but you are trying to keep your distance just to have peace and balance.
7. Have A Positive Mindset
Develop a positive mindset for the sake of your mental health. Unless you change your viewpoint, you may start to believe hurtful things that your mum does or says to you. If you think you are a bad person, stop it and tell yourself that you are a good person.
Develop positivity and keep positive thoughts. In the end, you’ll believe them. For instance, if you think you are criticized so much. Tell yourself that though you are not perfect, you do your best. Never criticize yourself
8. Make Self-Care Your Priority.
Hurtful feelings can be hard to cope with, so Self-care is your priority. Stop focusing so much on your mom because you can’t change her. However, you can improve your own life positively.
Try to have enough sleep, nutritious food, healthy movement, and treat yourself nicely. Some of the great ways you can care for yourself include;
- Learning a skill you’ve always wanted to.
- Going out to visit nature
- Treating yourself to your favorite dessert or coffee
- Spend most of your free time with supportive people.
Spend your time with people who respect and love you. Emotional supportive people will make you feel valued. Taking a break from the anxiety and stress of your mom will go a long way.
Call your loved ones and friends who care about you. Even texting will make you feel well. Share what you are going through with them. You will feel better around people who care and love you the way you are.
If you aren’t sure who to talk to or would like to talk with somebody going through the same, you can join a support group for kids with toxic parents. You can also look for a group online or a counselor.
9. Reach Out If There Is Abuse.
If your mom is abusive, you need to be careful. Reach out to a trusted adult or someone who can assist you. This could be a relative, a teacher, or a school counselor.
If your mom is, for instance, screaming or throwing things at you, go to a safe place and call a relative or a trusted adult to come to pick you up.
If you feel afraid for your safety, call 911. If you aren’t in a place to call emergency services, you can go to a public place such as a library or a business with a yellow “Safe Place” sign. You will get the assistance you need, or they can arrange how you will talk with counselors.
10. Get Professional Support.
There are people out there who can help you! Reach out to a therapist specializing in family matters or a counselor from your school to help you figure out how to talk with your mom. They can also assist you in coping with the situation.
It’s perfectly okay to feel hurt if your mom is unkind to you but release your anger and bitterness to move on. Forgiveness is something you can’t force yourself to do. It isn’t very easy.
Forgive your mom when you feel ready. It is not a must to forgive your mom verbally, though you can tell her something like, “I have forgiven you for the hurtful things you’ve been saying or doing to me. Let’s move past it.
It’s okay to psychologically recognize that you’ve let go of the hurt that she caused you and that you have forgiven her. You don’t just need to forgive your mom. She deserves your forgiveness.
12. Looking Forward
Living with an unkind mother who keeps hurting your feelings can be a hurting experience. However, its effects on you don’t have to be everlasting. You’ve managed the best way possible and protected yourself. It might be time to let go.
Humans are bound to escape painful moments and protect themselves to survive, so be empathic to yourself. Your painful experiences in the past should not determine your present or future. Don’t live in emotional hurt for the rest of your life! Heal and move on.
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