17 Reasons Why Your Teenage Daughter is Being Mean to You

Why is my daughter so mean to me? Have you ever wondered about this question? Most parents have problems with their beloved grown daughters. They realize their daughters have become argumentative, disrespectful, defiant, and rebellious. Perhaps, your daughter is still your baby. But she is growing up and is able to make her own decisions. However, she often behaves so meanly to you. 

Just ask yourself, why is my daughter so mean to me? Of course, the question makes you upset since you have raised her and have a strong bond with your beloved daughter. If you noticed it, let’s identify why she is so rebellious and defiant. We have put together 17 reasons why the teenage daughter is being mean to her parents.

1. She has no respect as you don’t care enough

Why is my daughter so mean to me? She does not respect you as parents. Of course, it is hard to say. Your grown daughter lacks respect for some different factors. Perhaps, she thinks that you do not care or are cool enough. She may be discovering something your daughter doesn’t love. Whatever the factors, she has been mean to you and no longer obeys your direction.

Why is my daughter so mean to me
Why is my daughter so mean to me

Remember! All human beings, including your teenage daughter, love having gratitude. Make sure to deliver appreciation to your beloved daughter. If you find she has lost her respect and she has not listened to you, it is a sign that your grown daughter is disrespectful to you.

Just handle your daughter when she begins showing a defiant act. Give her special little gifts to calm her anger. It shows that you care for her needs.  Most girls love to be surprised with a lovely present.  

2. She is unaware because of overwhelmed by redundant problems 

Perhaps, your beloved daughter is unaware that she is hurting you. She is in a period of development. She is just growing bigger and entering a higher step in her life. She may be overwhelmed with teenage problems such as her studies, relationships, peer pressure, dating, alcohol, sex, etc. On the other hand, she must manage many things but cannot solve them.

Why is my daughter so mean to me
overwhelmed by redundant problems 

When your teenager has been inundated with too many things, she might express her anxiety and stress. Her overwhelmed condition may lead to the wrong ways, like saying rude things, behaving rebelliously, and ignoring your direction and others. 

Check out her daily activities to discover the root causes of why she acts defiant. Invite her to have a deep talk. Your presence is so vital to minimize her burden. Just sit down and listen to her problems. You can advise her gently to change her poor unintentional behavior. 

3. She is frustrated with someone else and takes it out on you

The teen period is full of complicated things, including hormonal changes that influence mood shifting and emotional regulation. Your daughter may get frustrated with her teacher, parents, boyfriend, friend, or someone else. But she feels inundated and can’t handle her circumstance well. She may take the problems out on you. It is called physiological projection.

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She is frustrated

If you find she behaves rebelliously toward you, establishes communication with her. Try to dig into the problems going on in her life. You can be the right person to vent. Thus, she is free to express negative emotions that trouble her life—no need to be a professional psychologist to solve her unfair condition. Just be a good listener. Let her blow off steam.  It will curb her defiant acts and ignorance of you. 

4. She needs more time and love as you are too busy. 

Most teenagers feel they lack love and time when their parents are busy with their work or activities. If you find your grown teenagers mean to you, she may have a similar condition. She feels lonely as you have little love and time. The teenage period is a critical time to fight for her space and independence. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She needs more time and love

Be honest! When was the last time you gave your daughter the attention, respect, and love she needed? If you are not paying enough attention to her needs, just take action to fulfill her emotional needs. After busy workdays, spend quality time with your beloved daughters. Get ready to listen to her story, daily activities, and others. 

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You can also plan a visit to recreational destinations to build family bonding. Most teenage daughters need the right person to share and express their emotional needs. 

How to build a strong bond with my daughter?

Creating a solid parent-child relationship with the daughter is actually not difficult. You only need to provide ears to listen. Share about your day and ask her about hers. While she is talking, keep eye contact so you can feel the emotion flowing through the conversation.

You can also share about your hobbies and interests and find a match in between. From there, you can explore what fun activities you can do with your daughter on the weekend, just the two of you.

5. She is copying her idols or friends

Your grown daughter may grow up and start considering her social status. She is interested in how her idols and friends act and begins copying them. We call in attachment styles. Unfortunately, she mimics destructive emotions like mocking others, being rebellious, being ignorant in your direction, and more. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She is copying her idols or friends

She starts to think that drinking wine is excellent or that smoking tastes good. Whatever she thinks about, she begins rebelling and ignoring you. The mechanisms are used as a tool for rebellion.  If you have noticed that your daughter has changed from a sweet to a defiant girl, it could mean that she is mimicking other people that she is associating.

Call her to have dinner and let her enjoy the quality time while advising her to be herself. You can ensure her that being herself will promote confidence and beauty.  

6. She is gaining her freedom as you control her too much

Your teen is in a critical period where they have reached a vital point in her life. She starts gaining her freedom and space as she grows up as an adult.  She wants to make her own choice independently and try eliminating your roles in her life. This period is a demanding phase when your daughter wants to live independently. Meanwhile, you still have to control and guide her too much. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
you control her too much

Let’s be wise parents. You should realize that her mental and physical development is developing. You allow her to gain her independence under your supervision. She needs to look after herself with consistent and responsible behavior. Change your way on how to build a dynamic relationship with her.

7. She is jealous since you often compare her to others

When you notice her disrespectful act, your teen may get jealous. It is natural for a teenage daughter who is still growing and young. She will behave the wrong way if she is compared to someone else. Jealousy is common for women. The feeling becomes toxic as she can’t manage and control the emotion. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
jealous since you often compare her to others

If she feels jealous, she will behave poorly by saying, “I am cuter than you”; or “I’m smarter than you, so stop getting me in trouble.”  How to deal with a jealous daughter? Try to give her affection, love, and attention. Show your daughter that you are so concerned about her.  She may want more emotional needs to step into her teenage world. 

8. You’re too strict, so it builds her anger up

A strict parent brings fear and anger. She may not show her feeling, but she has not trusted you for anything. The anxiety makes her an unpredictable liar. She tries to cover herself from you. Of course, this condition leads to the exceptional liar. You may think that you know her well. But, she hides a large part of her personality.

Why is my daughter so mean to me
You’re too strict

Your grown daughter does rebellious acts as a struggle against your strict rules. She makes an excuse to behave like a liar. Consequently, she never trusts adults, including her parents.

To curb her anger, try to change how you treat your teenager. Come and listen to her groaning. Give her more space to express her emotions and activities under your supervision. Don’t interfere when you both are arguing, as it will increase the heat. Even though this anger management may look simple, some parents with high egos will struggle with that.

What are the negative impacts of strict parenting?

We know that you love your daughter so much, so you want to protect her from the damage of this world. But that’s not what she wants. In fact, it can lead to communication breakdown and family conflicts once she thinks you are extremely controlling. Strict parenting can also cause behavioral issues, like an increase in temper. In some worse cases, this approach will lower self-esteem and trigger anxiety and depression.

9. You give her many responsibilities she can’t manage

Because she was so helpful, you gave her many responsibilities, including taking care of her siblings and doing more housekeeping than anyone else. You thought she enjoyed the duties. You never took care of her condition. You might notice that she got straight, listened to all your advice, and never complained. You think that everything is going to be okay.

Why is my daughter so mean to me
responsibilities she can’t manage

However, it is so “mature” to have many pressures and responsibilities. Of course, it also has an impact on growth. Your teenage daughter could not enjoy and fully experience her childhood as anyone else at her age. Your daughter was also low-maintenance since you thought she could do anything alone. The circumstances lead to anger, rebellion, and ignorance in you. She may feel enslaved as she fulfills your expectations.

The solution is to treat her normally, as if she is a grown teen. Don’t make her redundant with unsuitable responsibilities. Let her create happiness at her age, like other gifted teens. 

10. She argues over as feeling disconnected from you

Have you often argued with your teenage daughter, even about unimportant things? It’s a sign of why she is mean to you. No one said that the parent is always more suitable than the daughter. But, if you notice she constantly argues over little things, she feels disconnected from you. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
feeling disconnected

Try to think back about the issues you have recently disagreed with her. When she is being argumentative about non-issues, she is challenged to talk. Actually, different opinions and perspectives are natural in family relationships. However, it does not mean that she argues over every little thing.

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The best way to deal with an argumentative teen is to spend time with her, stop being right, and solve her problem. 

11. You interfere with her privacy, so she turns into an introvert

Your daughter may always share every piece of information and experience with you. She is open to talking about her relationship, school, studies, and others. She has no secret from her parents. Nevertheless, as she grows up, she starts to have her own privacy. Your teenager may not share a specific and detailed story with you. She keeps a secret from you.  

Why is my daughter so mean to me
she turns into an introvert

At the same time, she turns into an introvert. You are not allowed to enter the room, see her smartphone without her permission, and more. She doesn’t want you to act like a spy and invade her privacy too much. Those things can lead to rebellion and ignorance with you. 

Treat your teenage daughter like you deal with growing kids into adults. Let her keep her privacy. But you should be there if she needs you. She will reveal her secret when she feels comfortable with you.  

How do I deal with my introverted daughter?

Raising an extroverted and introverted daughter is different. While extrovert one loves to recharge her energy by meeting and talking to people, your introverted daughter prefers to stay in her safe space. As a parent, you may feel concerned about this behavior. But don’t worry! She is sound and fine. Here’s what you need to do to nurture an introverted daughter:

  • Respect her personal space
  • Don’t interrupt her when she needs time alone
  • Don’t make her have lots of friends, as it may trigger social anxiety
  • If you have a large gathering, come early to avoid the crowd
  • Speak with her privately

12. She feels worthless because you still rule her

Why is my daughter so mean to me? She may feel powerless and worthless. She has been growing up and trying to find her own life. However, you are still controlling her and managing her life. She realized she could not express her emotions freely with your rules, high expectations, and boundaries. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She feels worthless

She shows her resistance by behaving defiantly and rebelliously. It happens because she wants her parents to know that she also has the power and capability to decide her life. If you treat her like a child, she tries to get power by arguing over a little thing, ignoring your direction, breaching the rules, and others.

To overcome the feeling of being worthless, let her increase her self-confidence and stop ruling her life too much. You can escort her to demonstrate positive vibes and encourage decision-making processes. 

13. She isn’t involved in the decision-making process

Your teenage daughter is growing up both physically and mentally. It means she realizes that she deserves to make a decision. Look back! Have you ever involved her in the decision-making process? If you haven’t, it ignites her bad behavior. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She isn’t involved

She thought that she was able to choose the better option. But, you do not appreciate how she tries to express her ideas. You can communicate with her about certain decisions in the family discussion. Invite your teen to give her opinion on the decision-making process.

Please ask her to deliver her opinion.  You can appreciate her by following up on her opinion as a result of a family discussion. Of course, it will make her feel valued and restrain her defiant act. 

14. She doesn’t want your presence as you were bad parents

Has your teenage daughter ignored your messages or calls? Do you realize that she always cancels family plans? Is she extremely angry when you enter her room without knocking? If all those things happen, your teenager is being mean to you. She refuses to meet with you for anything. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She doesn’t want your presence

She realized that she was able to choose the best part of her life. Whatever she chooses, she does not want to spend time with you. When encountering you, she tries to stay away from you. There is no greeting or communication. She also keeps silent when you ask a question about something. She chooses to hang out with her peers rather than stay at home with her parents.

It is hard to say. But, you should be consistent in fixing the relationship. Give your daughter more empathy, and stop taking offense at her. All you need to do is focus on building family bonding so she feels comfortable with your presence. 

15. She was mad at someone else but afraid to take it out. 

One common problem faced by most full-grown girls is the issue with their friends. If you find your teenage daughter is mean to you, she probably has a problem with someone else. Then, her anger took it out on you. It happens because she doesn’t know how to express her madness appropriately. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
She was mad at someone else

For example, she was mad at her friend for some problem. But she was afraid to take it out on her friend. At home, she expresses her emotions by being rude and behaving poorly toward her parents.

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When you find your teenager did it, let her relax and try to make a non-threatening conversation. You can guide and teach her to express her anger properly. Encourage her to defend herself and be brave when facing problems with someone else.

16. She has kept her anger from the past unresolved. 

If your teenage daughter is disrespectful, look back on past issues. Have you ever had problems that have gone unchecked with her? She probably acts in poor behavior because the issues have been unresolved. Therefore, she will act it out to release her anger from the past. 

She has built up her rebellion as she couldn’t handle the arguments or disagreements in a healthy way.

Why is my daughter so mean to me
anger from the past unresolved

You thought that she had forgotten it. Your teenager has stored the issue away. When you realize that you have unresolved issues with her, start to deal with the problem. Let your daughter feel good when growing up without any anger from the past.  

Be honest with yourself. You may need to check whether there have been problems that have gone unresolved or not. If the answer is yes, take action immediately to curb the anger. Ask for forgiveness since you haven’t been capable of overcoming the past problem. Let your daughter deliver her disappointment. Try not to take offense. 

17. You never appreciate her, so she keeps anger

Your teen loves appreciation. She hates being ignored or having her ideas not valued. She is growing up and is able to make the best decisions for her life. Perhaps, your daughter has achieved the highest score in her examinations. Yet, you didn’t value her achievement. 

Why is my daughter so mean to me
You never appreciate her, so she keeps anger

Of course, it would intensify resentment towards you. She realized that she had studied hard, but no one cared about it. If you notice that she is proud of her effort, don’t hesitate to give her appreciation. 

You should provide your truly unconditional love by surprising her with some gifts. Try to appreciate her efforts and performance. Your attention and affection are so valuable to her. It can also make her feel good during her growth period.  

Can therapy helps let out the anger?

Talking to a mental health professional will help you manage your bursts of anger. Or the anger you keep for so long. According to the American Psychological Association, around 75% of people who seek therapies for their anger management get excellent results. You can ask your daughter to go to therapy. It will be best to give her clues about why you think that therapy may help, so she won’t be shocked when you tell her about it. Thanks to the advanced technology, you can book an appointment on the Better Help website and schedule for online meeting if your daughter still unsure to meet strangers to talk about her problems.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What do you do when your teenage daughter is mean to you?

I will fix it immediately by starting non-threatening talk. Planning a visit to your daughter’s favorite destination is a great option to curb her defiant or rebellious acts. Of course, I also give presence, affection, and attention. 

How do you deal with a nasty teenage daughter?

Start to create limits or boundaries for your teenage daughter. Then build as intimate communication as possible between parents and teenagers. You should also focus on the positive side when delivering advice and the health risks of her rebellious acts.

Why are daughters so mean to their mothers?

She feels frustrated since you do not have much time and love for her. She needs your presence to share her story and experience and solve her problem.  Perhaps, she behaves rudely and poorly to attract your affection. 

Why my teenage daughter is always angry?

She is in her critical development period as she tries hard to find herself by mimicking others, taking poor behavior, and gaining her freedom and space to step into teenage life.  

Suzy Prichard

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