Throughout your life, you’ve been taught that mom’s love is unconditional. But since you are a young adult right now, let us tell you something you’ve never thought could happen to you. It is possible for a mom to hate her children. Yes, you read it right. Maybe you will learn that sometimes the truth hurts but lies worse, the hard way. You may see signs your mom hates you, like emotional abuse, frequent parent-child conflict, and lack of empathy. But after all, you’ll grow into an independent adult, so let the truth set you free.
In a world where everything is possible, our list of signs that your mom hates you can be seen to prevent you from a toxic relationship with your mom. As much as you want to have an unbreakable mom-kids connection, you should realize that some people were not born for that. Our list will help you find the signs that your mom is not worthy of your love.
1. She Lacks Love and Affection
It’s super easy to see the signs that your mom hates you. A mom’s love for her kids is ideally unconditional and uncontainable. So, if “I love you” is among the rarest words she tells you, it is a red flag. Maybe she doesn’t know how to be affectionate. But there’s a line between an evil mom and an unexpressive mom.
2. Little or No Significant Support
When it comes to the mother-child relationship, she should’ve been your #1 fan, the one who showers you with support, bits of advice, suggestions, and critiques, as well as being the shoulder to cry on. If she is unsupportive and fails to give you a tap on the back, find other support systems out there! You can always treat your trustworthy friends as family.
What is parental neglect?
Parental neglect is the failure to build good family relationships and provide for needs due to neglect by the father or mother. One of the reasons is because of family dynamics that cause childhood trauma from one or both parents. Thus, they pass down what they think is natural to their children. In addition, negative parenting, such as the existence of emotional abuse or estranged family relationships, which they have experienced, also influences the parenting style they are currently applying to the kids.
How can I respond to childhood emotional neglect?
Experiencing abandonment is not easy. You may not get lasting physical trauma, but deep down, you are hurting, and your feelings are valid. To cope with your childhood emotional neglect trauma, there are things you can do:
- Acknowledge your feelings. Whether it is sad, happy, angry, or calm, they are there, and you must not eliminate them. Just feel them one by one, and take a deep breath. They are valid, and no one can say otherwise.
- Share your stories. It is hard; we understand that. But keeping everything to yourself will make your burden even heavier. It would be better to tell your side of the story to the one closest to you, like a family member or your bestie.
- Create a list of likes and dislikes. That way, you can recognize a variety of emotions you may have ignored before due to the parental disappointment you feel towards your parents.
3. She Doesn’t Want You
We know some moms who married by accident. Even though the couple survives their accidental marriage, the unintended pregnancy that comes with it can have a more severe consequence. In some cases, your mom is not ready for kids. Thus, she is not mentally prepared to take care of you. Let us tell you, you weren’t born to be told you’re unwanted. You deserve life and happiness.
Why do moms hate their daughters?
One of the signs your mom hates you, especially if you are her daughter, is the emergence of emotional distance and lack of empathy despite your trying your best to show affection. Perhaps, before having you, your mom may have had the bright career she always dreamed of.
And once she bears a baby girl, her daughter’s presence takes the world already in her grasp. Another possibility why do mothers hates their daughters is that they are not ready to take on the role of mother and have a childhood trauma that they keep to themselves.
4. Putting the Blame on You for Her Unhappiness
If your mom always blames you for her happiness, chances are, you will end up hating your mom more than she hates you. You should know that her resentment towards her children stems from her dissatisfaction with her life. Show her that you can still find your sources of happiness without her. This will kill her inside and teach her some lessons.
5. Abusive Mom is a Big No
Do you have time to think of other signs that your mom hates you when you already have an abusive mom? We bet no, you don’t. Whichever forms of abuse are expressed by her, an abusive mom is a big no. Always remind yourself that the word ‘abuse’ is not limited to physical actions of hitting, slapping, or kicking because words and actions can equally hurt you. Equip yourself by learning the patterns of verbal, emotional, financial, and psychological abuse, just in case.
How do I know if my mother is emotionally abusive?
Emotional abuse can be challenging to identify, as it often involves subtle and ongoing behavior patterns rather than overt acts of aggression. Here are some signs that may indicate that your mother is emotionally abusive:
- She constantly criticizes or belittles you and makes you feel unworthy or inadequate.
- She manipulates or controls you through guilt, fear, or obligation.
- She isolates you from friends and family or tries to control your relationships and social interactions.
- She withholds love, affection, or attention as a form of punishment or manipulation.
- She dismisses your feelings or emotions or tells you that you are too sensitive or overreacting.
- She uses your vulnerabilities or insecurities against you and makes you feel ashamed or embarrassed.
- She blames you for her own problems or emotions and makes you feel responsible for her happiness or well-being.
- She uses verbal attacks or emotional outbursts to intimidate or control you.
6. She’s Waiting to See You Fail
No, we don’t talk about that one toxic friend who talks behind your back. Although they share a similar trait, when your own mother hates you, she can do this to you as well. You’ve grown up as a teenager who is responsible for your choices and decisions; she is there not to support you but to see you fail. She is the one who chooses to say, “told you!” so she can take control instead of taking your failure as a lesson learned.
7. The Comparison Game is Unstoppable
First, she doesn’t want to admit your accomplishments. Second, she compares you to your siblings or herself! If your mom keeps telling you that she did better than you when she was your age, it means she still lives in the past. But all this comparison game speaks volumes about her urge to control you.
8. Repeatedly Violate Your Boundaries and Privacy
As a teenager, you already have the full right to set your boundaries and claim your privacy. Unfortunately, a toxic mom who hates you will never respect your boundaries or privacy. No matter what, just keep setting your boundaries clearly and being consistent with them. Eventually, you will move out and live independently as a young adult, which will create more space between you and your toxic mom.
How can I set boundaries with my mother if she hates me?
Setting boundaries with a mother who harbors hatred towards you can be challenging and emotionally demanding. However, it is vital to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. This can include limiting contact with your mother, communicating your boundaries clearly and assertively, and seeking support from a mental health professional who can provide guidance and tools to cope with the situation
9. She Masters the Concept of Guilt Trip
With a mom who hates you, a guilt trip is the only trip she would take you on (pun intended). For those who don’t know, guilt-tripping someone means putting them in the sense of guilt or responsibility. Once you feel guilty, she will influence you to do something for her. You will end up dealing with guilt and potentially make wrong decisions out of it. Is it a sign of a healthy relationship with your mom? Think again.
What are the signs my mom is guilt-tripping me?
A toxic family environment is often related to psychological manipulation your mom will shower you with. It includes guilt-tripping you to the worst possible, despite you being her kids. You may not realize that she abuses your mental health and try belittling you every time until you spot one of these signs:
- She gives you pressure into doing something without your consent
- She will deliberately lie to you to fulfill her needs
- Your effort will not be appreciated despite trying your best
- You cannot say no to every favor she requests
- Parental favoritism is common in your family environment
- Everything you do is wrong for her
10. Harsh Criticism
If you look for signs that your mom hates you, this point is one of the most obvious proofs. Your mom’s constant harsh critics and unsought advice will let you down and feel unworthy. She doesn’t care if her words will hurt you deeply. Like an unsupportive mom, a critical mom is less tolerant of your mistakes. Often, this condition will lead you to feel less than a human.
11. Spotlight, Please!
This case is more apparent if you’re an achiever. All eyes will be on you, and people will not hesitate to flood you with compliments. But the blessing will turn into a curse once you’re home. Your toxic mom will try to steal the spotlight from you. She wants everyone to know that it’s she who raises you well. But other than being an achiever yourself, a toxic mom still wants to steal the spotlight from you whenever she finds it possible.
12. Maternal Jealousy is a Real Thing
The feeling of jealousy harbored by your mom towards you is more intense if you’re a girl. Because let’s admit it, a mom easily gets jealous of her daughter more than she may be of her son. Some moms hate the fact that their daughter is smarter, prettier, and has a better life than them. Ideally, daughters look up to their mothers as their ultimate role models. But ungrateful and jealous mothers deserve a special spot on the list of signs that your mom hates you.
13. She Doesn’t Care
She’s not happy when you’re happy, but she’s not, either, when you’re sad. She just can’t care less. But you have to differentiate moms who don’t care from the ones who just don’t show it on their faces, yet their actions speak louder. We’re deeply sorry that you grow up in a house where you don’t feel at home. Normally you’ll feel neglected, but you have the option to choose self-love over everything.
14. Dismiss Your Negative Feelings
If you have a hard time expressing your negative feelings, check your relationship with your mom. Do her treatments towards you somehow train you to bury your negative emotions? Or does she intend to give you the cold shoulder whenever you want to share your feelings? Try to express your negative feelings healthily with your trustworthy friends, or seek professional help if you find it necessary.
15. Gossipy Mom
Let’s admit it; we are all a little bit gossipy. Discussing people’s private lives is somewhat fun, especially if their lives seem too good to be true, but not when it’s your mom who gossips about you. She should be the one who is proud of you for every milestone in your life. A mom who talks behind your back is the mixture of an unsupportive and jealous mom in one body.
Can therapy help repair the relationship between a mother and child who have a strained relationship?
Yes, therapy can be a helpful resource for repairing a strained relationship between a mother and child. A mental health professional can provide a safe and supportive space to explore and address the underlying issues in the relationship and provide guidance and tools for improving communication and building a healthier relationship. Some common forms of therapy that may be used include:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be a helpful tool for healing a strained relationship between a mother and teenager because it focuses on identifying and changing negative patterns of thought and behavior. Many conflicts and issues in a mother-teenager connection often stem from misunderstandings, miscommunications, and negative thought patterns. CBT can help the mother and teenager identify these negative patterns and learn new ways of communicating and interacting with each other that promote positive outcomes.
- Psychodynamic therapy can help heal a strained relationship between a mother and teenager because it focuses on exploring unconscious thoughts and feelings that may be contributing to the conflicts and issues in the relationship. Often, the disputes and problems that arise in a mother-teenager connection stem from deeper, underlying psychological or emotional factors, such as past experiences, unexpressed emotions, or unmet needs.
- Family therapy can help heal a strained relationship between a mother and teenager because it focuses on the family system as a whole rather than just on the individual family members. Many conflicts and issues in a mother-teenager relationship often stem from more significant systemic problems within the family, such as communication patterns, roles, or dynamics.
16. “Don’t Tell Your Dad!”
Beware if your mom keeps saying this to you. First, you help her hide something from your other parent, which is a sign of unhealthy communication. Second, if the plan goes wrong, you may end up being a scapegoat—considering her other toxic traits. Third, you’ll learn that lying to your partner is an easy thing to do. Next time she says, “don’t tell your dad!”, just simply ignore her game plan.
17. Who’s the Mom?
When looking for signs that your mom hates you, don’t forget about a childish mom who always relies on you and leaves no space for you to grow. She demands to be your top priority in every aspect and will get angry so easily if you do not treat her the way she wants. Sometimes you feel trapped, as if you play the mom role at home because you often calm her down.
18. External Approval is Above Anything Else
Nothing’s more annoying than having a mom who believes more in what others say and think than in you. Ideally, you should be among her top priorities, and the trust between you two is unbreakable. Thus, your voice matters. But if your mom always seeks validation from others and trusts their opinions more than yours, it’s a red flag. Because that means external approval surpasses her respect for her kids.
19. A Mom Without a Growth-Mindset
Sometimes the signs that your mom hates you can be so subtle that you don’t even realize she dislikes you. For instance, a mom who is not open-minded and refuses to learn. She is one of the most difficult people to deal with and is narrow-minded. Living with her is super tiring as you will find her trapped in believing myths and hoaxes or lock your room so that you can go out on weekends. What’s worse is when she doesn’t support your hobbies or pastimes just because they are against her beliefs.
20. Your Mom Won’t Listen to You
If you think active listening is easy, think again. It doesn’t only take two ears and one mouth to respond. Active listening means your mom is willing to pay full attention and respond without judgment. If your mom fails to listen actively, you will feel neglected and ignored. People who don’t listen are those who don’t want to see others’ points of view.
21. She Belittles You
One of the signs that your mom hates you is the way she belittles you. For her, you’re never living up to her expectations. She believes that your baby step progress isn’t worthy of her appreciation. As a result, you may never feel like you have enough. Remember that progress is an accumulation of baby steps. Always reward yourself for every accomplishment you make.
What should I do if I suspect that my mom hates me?
It can be challenging and emotional if you suspect your mother hates you. Here are some steps you can take:
- Seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional to help you process your feelings.
- Try to understand your mother’s behavior and the possible reasons behind it, but remember that you are not responsible for her emotions or actions.
- Prioritize your well-being by engaging in self-care activities that make you feel good, connecting with supportive people, and doing things that give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Remember that it’s okay to distance yourself from a toxic relationship, even if it’s with your mother. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and these steps can help you move forward and heal.
22. You Can’t Stop Her from Fighting
Do you think it’s healthy to see your mom fight with another family member every day? A home should be our haven that is built with love, care, and happiness. A little bit of conflict is healthy, as it can teach you how to compromise and train your decision-making skills. But when parents constantly fight to the point where both heads are waiting to explode, the children can feel depressed and anxious. And it feels uncomfortable, too, to see your mom fight with your siblings.
23. She’s Mean and Aggressive by Nature
When you’re sure with signs that your mom hates you, the next question will be, “Why does she dislike me?” We’re sorry to tell you that sometimes the answer to this is, well, just because. For a mom who is naturally mean and aggressive, nothing can change her unless she faces a big turning point one day. She grew up in a toxic environment from day 1. Thus, it’s no wonder she transmits negative vibes to the family.
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FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
Why do I feel like my mom hates me?
Because she doesn’t play her part well, you don’t feel loved and appreciated. A mom should be the most loving and supportive person in the world for her kids. Once you don’t feel at home with your mom because of her behaviors, that’s when everything will go downhill.
What should I do if my mom hates me?
Try planning a heart-to-heart discussion when your mom is not busy and in a good mood. Maybe she doesn’t know the impact of her behavior on your well-being. If she finally understands your feelings and thoughts, always leave room to forgive and start anew. But if the discussion turns sour, set your boundaries, and find other maternal figures, such as your grandma or aunt, to come home to.
Why does my mom say hurtful things?
Because she is not happy and satisfied with her life, should we hurt her back? No. But we can always choose to be compassionate and move on. Let her harsh words fall on our deaf ears, and keep doing what we think is best.
Why are mothers always angry?
Because things are not controllable on her side, anger is correlated with anxiety and fear. When things are out of control, she is anxious it would get worse. We understand that handling many things at once is frustrating for your mom. But transmitting her emotional issues to her children isn’t wise either.
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