Throughout your life, you’ve been taught that mom’s love is unconditional. But since you are a young adult right now, let us tell you something you’ve never thought could happen to you. It is possible for a mom to hate her children. Yes, you read it right. Maybe you will learn that sometimes the truth hurts but lies worse, the hard way. But after all, you’ll grow into an independent adult, so, let the truth set you free.
In a world where everything is possible, our list of signs that your mom hates you can be seen to prevent you from a toxic relationship with your mom. As much as you want to have an unbreakable mom-kids connection, you should realize that some people were not born for that. Our list will help you to find the signs your mom is not worthy of your love.
1. She Lacks Love and Affection
It’s super easy to see the sign that your mom hates you. A mom’s love for her kids is ideally unconditional and uncontainable. So, if “I love you” is among the rarest words she tells you, it is a red flag. Maybe she doesn’t know how to be affectionate. But there’s a line between an evil mom and an unexpressive mom.
2. Little or No Significant Support
She should’ve been your #1 fan who showers you with support, bits of advice, suggestions, and critiques as well as be the shoulder to cry on. If she is unsupportive and fails to give you a tap on your back, find other support systems out there! You can always treat your trustworthy friends as your family.
3. She Doesn’t Want You
We know some moms who married by accident. Even though the couple survives their accidental marriage, an unintended pregnancy that comes with it can lead to a more severe consequence. In some cases, your mom is not ready for kids. Thus, she is not mentally prepared to take care of you. Let us tell you, you weren’t born to be told you’re unwanted. You deserve life and happiness.
4. Putting the Blame on You for Her Unhappiness
If your mom always blames you for her happiness, chances are, you will end up hating your mom more than she hates you. You should know that her trait stems from her dissatisfaction with her life. Show her that you still can find your sources of happiness without her. This will kill her inside and teach her some lessons.
5. Abusive Mom is a Big No
Do you have time to think of other signs that your mom hates you when you already have an abusive mom? We bet no, you don’t. Whichever forms of abuse are expressed by her, an abusive mom is a big no. Always remind yourself that the word ‘abuse’ is not limited to physical actions of hitting, slapping, or kicking. Because words and actions can equally hurt you. Equip yourself by learning the patterns of verbal, emotional, financial, and psychological abuses, just in case.
6. She’s Waiting to See You Fail
No, we don’t talk about that one toxic friend who talks behind your back. Although they share a similar trait, a mom can do this to you as well. You’ve grown up as a teenager who is responsible for your choices and decisions, she is there not to support you to but wait to see you fail. She is the one who chooses to say, “told you!” so she can take the control, instead of taking your failure as a lesson learned.
7. The Comparison Game is Unstoppable
First, she doesn’t want to admit your accomplishments. Second, she compares you to your siblings or herself! If your mom keeps telling you that she did better than you when she was your age, it means she still lives in the past. But all this comparison game speaks volumes about her urge to control you.
8. Repeatedly Violate Your Boundaries and Privacy
As a teenager, you already have the full right to set your boundaries and claim your privacy. Unfortunately, a toxic mom who hates you will never respect your boundaries and privacy. No matter what, just keep setting your boundaries clearly and be consistent with them. Eventually, you will move out and live independently as a young adult which will create more space between you and your toxic mom.
9. She Masters the Concept of Guilt Trip
With a mom who hates you, a guilt trip is the only trip she would take you to (pun intended). For those who don’t know, guilt-tripping someone means putting them in a sense of guilt or responsibility. Once you feel guilty, she will influence you to do something for her. You will end up dealing with guilt and potentially make wrong decisions out of it. Is it a sign of a healthy relationship with your mom? Think again.
10. Harsh Criticism
If you look for the signs that your mom hates you, this point is one of the most obvious proofs. Your mom’s constant harsh critics and unsought advice will let you down and feel unworthy. She doesn’t care if her words will hurt you deeply. Like an unsupportive mom, a critical mom is less tolerant of your mistakes. Often, this condition will lead you to feel less than a human.
11. Spotlight, Please!
This case is more apparent if you’re an achiever. All eyes will be on you and people do not hesitate to flood you with compliments. But the blessing will turn into a curse once you’re at home. Your toxic mom will try to steal the spotlight from you. She wants everyone to know that it’s her who raises you well. But other than being an achiever yourself, a toxic mom still wants to steal the spotlight from you whenever she finds it possible.
12. Maternal Jealousy is a Real Thing
The feeling of jealousy harbored by your mom towards you is more intense if you’re a girl. Because let’s admit it, a mom easily gets jealous of her daughter more than she may be of her son. Some moms hate the fact that their daughter is smarter, prettier, and has a better life than them. Ideally, daughters look up to their mothers as their ultimate role models. But ungrateful and jealous mothers deserve a special spot on the list of signs that your mom hates you.
13. She Doesn’t Care
She’s not happy when you’re happy, but she’s not either when you’re sad. She just can’t care less. But you have to differentiate moms who don’t care from the ones who just don’t show it on their faces yet their actions speak louder. We’re deeply sorry for you to grow up in a house where you don’t feel at home. Normally you’ll feel neglected, but you have an option to choose self-love over everything.
14. Dismiss Your Negative Feelings
If you have a hard time expressing your negative feelings, check your relationship with your mom. Do her treatments towards you somehow train you to bury your negative emotions? Or does she intendedly give you the cold shoulder whenever you want to share your feelings? Try to express your negative feelings healthily with your trustworthy friends or seek professional help if you find it necessary.
15. Gossipy Mom
Let’s admit it, we are all a little bit gossipy. Discussing people’s private lives is somewhat fun, especially if their lives seem too good to be true, but not when it’s your mom who gossips about you. She should be the one who is proud of you for every milestone in your life. A mom who talks behind your back is the mixture of an unsupportive and jealous mom in one body.
16. “Don’t Tell Your Dad!”
Beware if your mom keeps saying this to you. First, you help her hide something from your other parent, which is a sign of unhealthy communication. Second, if the plan goes wrong, you may end up being a scapegoat—considering her other toxic traits. Third, you’ll learn that lying to your partner is an easy thing to do. Next time she says, “don’t tell your dad!”, just simply ignore her game plan.
17. Who’s the Mom?
When looking for signs that your mom hates you, don’t forget about a childish mom who always relies on you and leaves no space for you to grow. She demands to be on top of your priority in every aspect and will get angry very easily if you do not treat her the way she wants. Sometimes you feel trapped as if you play the mom role at home because you often calm her down.
18. External Approval is Above Anything Else
Nothing’s more annoying than to have a mom who believes more in what others say and thinks instead of you. Ideally, you should be among her top priority and the trust between you two is unbreakable. Thus, your voice matters. But if your mom always seeks validation from others and trusts their opinions more than yours, it’s a red flag. Because that means external approval surpasses her respect for her kids.
19. A Mom Without a Growth-Mindset
Sometimes the signs that your mom hates you can be very subtle that you don’t even realize she dislikes you. For instance, a mom who is not open-minded and refuses to learn. She is one of the most difficult people to deal with and is narrow-minded. Living with her is super tiring as you will find her trapped in believing myths and hoaxes or lock your room so that you can go out on weekends. What’s worse is when she doesn’t support your hobbies or pastimes just because they are not by her belief.
20. Your Mom Won’t Listen to You
If you think active listening is easy, think again. It doesn’t only take two ears and one mouth to respond. Active listening means your mom is willing to pay full attention and respond without judgment. If your mom fails to listen actively, you will feel neglected and ignored. People who don’t listen are those who don’t want to see others’ points of view.
21. She Belittles You
One of the signs that your mom hates you is the way she belittles you. For her, you’re never living up to her expectations. She believes that your baby step progress isn’t worthy of her appreciation. As a result, you may never feel enough. Remember that progress is an accumulation of baby steps. Always reward yourself for every accomplishment you make.
22. You Can’t Stop Her from Fighting
Do you think it’s healthy to see your mom fight with another family member every day? A home should be our haven that is built with love, care, and happiness. A little bit of conflict is healthy as it can teach you how to compromise and train your decision-making skills. But when parents constantly fight to a point where both heads are waiting to explode, the children can feel depressed and anxious. And it feels uncomfortable too, to see your mom fight with your siblings.
23. She’s Mean and Aggressive by Nature
When you’re sure with signs that your mom hates you, the next question will be “why does she dislike me?” We’re sorry to tell you that sometimes an answer to this is, well, just because. For a mom who is naturally mean and aggressive, nothing can change her unless she faces a big turning point one day. She grew up in a toxic environment from day 1. Thus, no wonder she transmits negative vibes to the family.
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Why do I feel like my mom hates me?
Because she doesn’t play her part well, thus you don’t feel loved and appreciated. A mom should be the most loving and supportive person in the world for her kids. Once you don’t feel at home with your mom because of her behaviors, that’s when everything will go downhill.
What should I do if my mom hates me?
Try planning a heart-to-heart discussion when your mom is in a happy mood and not busy. Maybe she doesn’t know the impact of her behavior on your well-being. If she finally can understand your feelings and thoughts, always spare room to forgive and start anew. But if the discussion turns sour, set your boundaries, and find other maternal figures, such as your grandma or aunt, to come home to.
Why does my mom say hurtful things?
Because hurt people. She is not happy and satisfied with her life. Should we hurt her back? No. But we can always choose to be compassionate and move on. Let her harsh words fall on our deaf ears and keep doing what we think is best.
Why are mothers always angry?
Because things are not controllable on her side. Anger is correlated with anxiety and fears. When things are out of control, she is anxious it would turn worse. We understand that handling many things at a time is frustrating for your mom. But transmitting her emotional issues to her children isn’t wise either.