The mother is one of the most important figures in the life of any child. Therefore, the feeling of worthlessness generates a lot of suffering for a child because, instead of finding support in that reference figure, conflicting feelings arise. There are many reasons why a mother can be verbally abusive towards her children. However, despite those reasons, whether due to a stressor or psychological problems, it is vital that you do not tolerate this type of attitude towards yourself.
1. The Reasons
In many cases, abusive mothers may be facing a psychological disorder that affects their behavior or have too many responsibilities and/or stress due to their personal situation. Faced with this type of behavior, it is important that you learn that you are not to blame for the emotional abuse. Whatever the reason your mother is abusive , it is vital that you work on letting go of the guilt as well as any negative thinking that makes you believe that you do not deserve love. In these cases, it is better that you choose to prioritize your mental health.
2. How to Set Limits to an Abusive Mother?
In these cases, being aware that your mother is abusive can negatively affect your well-being and make you feel worthless. In fact, experiencing this pain can end up causing disorders such as depression and anxiety. So it is crucial that you protect your mental health. In this way, it is recommended that you take the following tips below to deal with this toxic attitude.
3. Have a serious talk with your mother
Although it seems useless, perhaps your mother is not realizing her abusive attitude towards you. For this reason, you may be able to get some changes in her attitude if you talk seriously with her. Through this wake-up call, your mother may understand that her words and behaviors are negative toward you and that she must change them or work within herself to improve her treatment of you and herself.
4. Ask for support
If your mother’s attitude is affecting you too much, it can help to talk about it with friends and family. That is the first place to start, since they may know your mom more than you do.
5. Avoid falling into her negativity
It is normal that, in the face of an abusive mother’s attitude, you also behave negatively towards her. It is actually better not to have this negativity as it will lead to more emotional abuse from your mother. It is better to act in a relaxed manner and remain calm in the face of these kinds of behavior patterns.
6. Do not feel worthless
Faced with this form of emotional abuse can be quite hard. However, it is vital that you avoid feeling worthless due to your mother’s attitude. That your mother is wrong is not your fault, it is her own responsibility to work on her mental well-being.
7. Try to Understand Your Mother
In a situation of this type, you can judge your mother, you can come to think that your mother is playing the victim because of how she behaves, or, on the contrary, you can try to understand her attitude. Understanding does not mean justifying but trying to see reality from its own point of view. Why do you think your mother behaves like this towards you? Why does my mom make me feel worthless? Your mom could be her own source of emotional conflict and not sure how to act.
In addition, although children grow in age, many mothers fall into overprotection, simply because they do not fully accept the real age of the child or because they live this bond from the role they have had for so many years.
8. Lessons of Life
Mothers teach children many lessons throughout their lives. But, also, children can bring new lessons to their parents. In this case, if your mother makes you feel worthless, she may not even have realized it because she is so locked into her own position and she is not able to see beyond that point of view. In that case, from affection, explain how you feel. Tell her that having her support is very important to you, even if she doesn’t agree with your decision.
9. Talk to Your Father to Help You
In a situation of this type, if this circumstance blocks the relationship itself. It is advisable to seek the figure of a mediator. For example, a father, an uncle or a brother. Someone from the closest family nucleus who, from their position, can influence people in a constructive way to think about the common good of all.
That person can give advice to your mother. You may need to talk about how you feel with someone outside the conflict. Perhaps your mother has fears, doubts and insecurities that she needs to express with confidence. Talking about it will do you good.
10. Your Mother’s Experience
The story that you are living now may also have been experienced by your own mother some time ago when she made her own decisions in maturity. In that case, you can give her concrete examples of how she, in the past, may have carried out dreams, emotional objectives and purposes autonomously and freely. That is, she made her own life. And you have the right to do yours. Among other reasons, because if you give in to your decisions to please your mother, at some point you will regret having done so, and this concession will become a form of resentment.
11. Should I Get Away From My Mother?
When the relationship with your mother and her disapproval affect your own emotional stability , then it may be advisable to distance yourself a bit. However, do not interpret this message as a definitive distance. The relationship is so important that communication should always remain open.
For this reason, find this balance that you need through your own experience for the middle ground between having your own space and caring for your relationship with your mother. This distance is especially necessary when, despite the fact that you have already tried everything to make her understand how you feel, you do not notice a change in her behavior.
You can propose an agreement not to talk about the issue that separates you for a while. In this way, you can open the door to other topics of conversation, plans and moments that are not constantly interrupted and blocked by this discomfort of feeling worthless. Not talking about it does not mean hiding reality, but taking a break and then revisiting it later.
12. Find Common Ground With Your Mother
In order to improve your relationship with your mother, it is recommended that, beyond the differences, you look for some common interests with your mother. For example, if you both love movies, you can specify a day of the week to go see a new premiere. If you love to travel, you can establish the family tradition of taking one trip a year together to dedicate some time to this turbulent relationship.
13. Spending Time Together
Beyond your general and group relationship with the entire family system, focus your attention on this bond to improve it by spending time with your mother. There is no other way to improve the relationship. For this reason, from the realism of your professional agenda, find moments for your personal life.
14. See a Professional
Faced with an abusive mother, many people may end up living with sequelae due to this bad relationship. For this reason, if you feel that it is affecting your way of life, it is important that you go to a professional psychologist. Don’t let anyone, even your mother, make you feel bad about yourself.
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