Feelings are something that are not easy to discuss. Oftentimes, we prefer to talk about our feelings to our best friends instead of our parents because it feels more comfortable and safe. However, we and our best friends are likely in the same age group and have the same level of experience. And for difficult times, we often need an adult for advice.
The problem is, talking to our mom about our feelings can be awkward, especially if we don’t have a good relationship with our parents. Discussion doesn’t always come naturally and therefore, we need a plan so we can face the big talk with ease. If you have difficulties talking to your mom about your feelings, the following are steps you can follow to talk to your mom about your feelings.
1. Know that Your Mom is There to Help
Talking to our moms regarding our feelings can be intimidating. We don’t know how she would react, especially when it is a sensitive topic. However, feelings can be heavy when we keep it to ourselves and we need to share it with someone we can trust like our mom. To ease the intimidation feelings you may feel, you need to remember that your mom is there to help. She’s your ally, not your enemy.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings First
Before talking to your mom, you need to acknowledge your feelings first. How do you feel? What makes you feel that way? What are the factors that play into what you are dealing with right now? By acknowledging your feelings first, you will be able to communicate it clearly to your mom.
3. Prepare for The Discussion
Sometimes, we avoid talking to our moms because we don’t know how to start or simply don’t know what to say. To make it easier, you can prepare yourself first. Write down all of the things you need to say and highlight important points. By doing this, you can be sure that you communicate all of the things you need to say and your mom will be able to understand you better.
4. Test the Water
If it is regarding a sensitive topic and you are not quite sure on how your mom would react, you can ‘test the water’ first. You can do it by shooting a question naturally regarding the topics you want to talk about. For example, if you want to talk about your feelings towards your crush, you can ask your mom about their first crush. The conversation can flow from there and you will get a picture of your mom’s view regardings the topic.
5. Pick a Good Time to Talk
Not every time is a good time to talk. Our moms have other things to deal with whether it is house chores, work stuff, or simply want to relax and have a me time. It is better for you to ask your mom when they will be free so you can talk. By planning a specific time, your mom can prepare their mental and energy space to focus on the discussion.
6. Talk when You are Calm
Besides your mom, you need to think of yourself too. Are you ready to talk about your feelings? The best time to initiate a conversation is when you’re calm. Avoid talking when you are upset, stressed, or panicked. When you’re calm, you will be able to communicate clearly based on facts and not emotions only.
7. Start with Small Talks
Initiate the discussion with small talks first. You can ask about their day and daily mundane things such as house chores or the weather. This is especially important if you are not used to conversations in the family. You can make these small talks a daily habit before you drop the big conversation. Consider this as a practice before the actual discussion.
8. Be Clear and Direct
When telling your mom about your feelings, you need to be clear and direct. You don’t need to ramble about irrelevant stuff. We know that discussing the real deal can be hard, but the more direct you are, the better your mom will get what you mean. You also be clear about your feelings. For example, you can say that you are disappointed, upset, or stressed about certain things.
9. Keep It Real
You also need to be honest. There is no point in talking to your mom about your feelings if you are not being honest. To make any communication work, honesty is key. Don’t exaggerate things to gain your mom’s sympathy. Stick to your feelings and facts instead to keep the conversation on track and you will get the desired result.
10. Listen to What Your Mom Has to Say
After you express how you feel, your mom may have something to say. Listen to what they had to say calmly and seriously. Pay attention to their words and their reactions. Even if you disagree with what they say, you can wait until they finish expressing their point of view. Do not interrupt your mom when she is talking and wait until it’s time for you to talk.
11. Ask for a Time to Explain Your Point of View
After listening to your mom’s reaction, you can appreciate them and then ask for a time to explain your point of view. You can do this if you and your mom have a different opinion regarding the topics you are discussing. You can say something like “I appreciate your opinion and I do understand. From my perspective, I see it as ….” followed by your own opinion regarding the topic.
12. Engaged in The Discussion
The main point of having the conversation with our mom is to create a discussion. You need to be engaged in creating a two way communication. React to your mom accordingly, and say what you need to say. Quality discussion can be achieved through a series of talking and listening so you need to do both actions actively.
13. Be Prepared for Their Reactions
When initiating a conversation, you may expect things to go your way. But sometimes, it is not always the case. Our moms are human too and they have their own way of thinking. It is possible that they have a strong opinion regarding things and we need to be prepared for that. Of course, it may disappoint you, but you need to understand that things don’t always go how you want. By preparing yourself for the worst outcomes, you will be able to deal with it better.
14. Deal with The Outcomes Maturely
If your mom has a strong opinion that doesn’t go along with how you expect, you need to remain calm and not react aggressively. For example, you may feel a little bit disappointed when your mom thinks that your sad feelings aren’t valid and you only make things up. When you get this reaction, you can further explain your feelings and try to get your mom to understand your position.
15. Avoid Blaming
When the conversation gets heated up, it is very easy to get defensive and you may want to blame the other party. When this is happening, you need to keep it together and calm yourself. Instead of blaming your mom, you can stick to your honest feelings about her reaction. By communicating how you feel, your mom will get a better understanding on how her reaction affected you.
16. Separate the Facts from the Feelings
In order to keep the conversation healthy and keep on track, you need to separate the facts from the feelings. You may feel a little bit uncomfortable for what your mom asks you to do. But you need to understand that your mom maybe just stated some facts such as you need to manage your time better to overcome the busy schedule you have to face right now.
17. Feelings need to be Accepted, while Facts Need to be Acknowledged
Both your feelings and the facts your mom stated are valid, therefore, it is important for you both to acknowledge and accept each other’s point of view. Your feelings need to be accepted and the facts need to be acknowledged. It will help you to acknowledge what your mom is trying to tell you and help your mom to accept your needs and feelings.
18. Agree to Disagree
There’s a misconception that states a teenager should always live by their parents’ rules. The fact is, parents aren’t always right. When it comes to feelings, you are the one who knows it best. Your mom is here for you to ask for advice, not to tell you how to feel. And if your mom happens to force their point of view, it is time for you to agree to disagree. You don’t have to suppress your feelings just to make your mom happy.
19. Take Notes
On the other side, your mom will also likely give you actual useful advice. You can take notes (both literally and mentally) on important points you can use in the future. A discussion with your mom will give you a different perspective compared to a discussion with your peers. And you can learn so many things based on your mom’s experience she may share with you.
20. Ask for Help
If it’s not clear enough for your mom or if she doesn’t immediately give you the help you need, you can ask them for help and guidance. Ask them what to do regarding your current situation. If it’s about your relationship with your mom, ask her what works best for the both of you. Tell your mom that you need her parental guidance to help you go through what you are going through right now. You mom may need some time to decide on what to do, and you have to respect that. Give your mom the time to reflect and think and you can go back to the conversation once she’s ready.
21. Thank Your Mom
By the end of the discussion, don’t forget to thank your mom. Whether it is for her advice or simply for the time she makes for you. Thank her for listening to what you need to say and for validating your feelings. Your mom will feel appreciated and feel happy for being involved in one of the most important phases of your life.
22. Plan for Further Discussion
When you and your mom have finished the conversation, you can ask for her time for further discussion. This is important especially if you are going through a long journey of self discovery and you need her guidance along the way. By scheduling the next conversation, you and your mom can have time to reflect and evaluate. Hopefully, you will have a better mom and kid relationship, both your feelings are acknowledged and validated.
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How do I talk to my mom about my problems?
As mentioned above, you can talk to your mom about your problems by asking them for their time so you can be focused. You also need to be clear and direct about the problem you are facing so your mom will understand it clearly. Don’t forget to keep it real and be honest every time.
How do I talk to my parents about my love?
You can start by asking your parents about their own love story. Parents love to share past memories and it can lead to a smoother and lighter conversation. And after you get the picture on their own point of view regarding love and relationship, you can start to talk about your own experience and how you feel about it.
How do you talk to your parents about difficult topics?
Before talking about difficult topics to your parents, you can prepare yourself. Write down the important points you want to talk about and you can practice the conversation if necessary. Also, bea ready for the worst possible outcomes and how they may react. Pay serious attention to what they have to say and don’t force things to go your way.
Is it good to talk to your mom?
Yes, it is good to talk to your mom. By talking to your mom, not only will you get answers to difficult questions, you can also get better advice and different points of view. If it is done regularly, mom and id conversation will also lead to stronger bonds between both of you that can lead to a better and healthier relationship.