It hurts to grow up in a home where you feel out of place. Living with a mom who doesn’t make an effort with you can be challenging. It can be frustrating when your mom isn’t the motherly figure you would like her to be or the one you require her to be.
Realizing that you can do nothing for your mom to show you concern and love can be a redeeming feeling. Being a dismissed child is not something you deserve or your fault. The pain of poor treatment from your mom can sometimes outdo anything in your life.
But what can I do if my mom doesn’t care about my feelings?This article will explain why your mom makes no effort with you, possible reasons why and different ways to respond to your dismissive mom without hurting your feelings and hers too.
1. My Mom Doesn’t Care About My Feelings
Lacking support from your mom is more common than you might imagine. There could be numerous reasons why you might think your mom dismisses you. Below are some reasons why your mom is making no effort with you.
2. That’s How She Was Brought Up
You aren’t justifying or tolerating hurtful behavior. Instead, you are trying to find the reasons behind her behavior.
Get to know what your mom must have gone through for her to become a dismissive parent. Negative parenting practices are likely to pass from one generation to the other.
Maybe this is how your mom was raised. But unfortunately, if she was raised by parents who never made any effort to help her, she grew to believe that those are inappropriate feelings that a child should not have.
Knowing that your mom might have experienced trauma can help you understand that how she treats you is not personal. Instead, it signifies what she went through and has nothing to do with you.
3. She Might Be Struggling With Her Issues
Your mom might be dismissing your emotions because she doesn’t understand them. This could result from experiences in her life, her anticipated feelings, or her fear of her emotions.
Your mum might also be immature emotionally and incapable of providing you with the support you want. Perhaps she’s not friendly, has mixed signals, or has a common lack of interest in how you are going on with your life. This might not be her intention all the time.
4. Understand Your Mom
In other cases, your mom’s point of view can be pretty different from your belief. For example, she might be completely unaware that you feel this way and is extremely hurt by the thought that you could think she doesn’t make an effort with you.
Sometimes, it is likely that your mum doesn’t dismiss you. Instead, she is struggling to deal with her problems and might not be offering the support you need.
5. How To Respond When Your Mom Makes No Effort With You
A mother has to provide for her children in numerous ways and shield them from harm. However, a mom’s most vital role is to show her child love. That’s why it is incredibly painful knowing that your mom can’t care for you as she should.
Understanding how to respond when your mom doesn’t make an effort with you will make you live a happier and healthier life. Below are several things that can help you cope with a dismissive mom.
6. Tell Her What You Feel
Try telling your mom how you feel troubled and want to talk to her seriously. Express your feelings and spare nothing. Say exactly how you feel and talk from your heart. Tell her that her behavior affects you and your bond with her.
Tell your mom you have worries and you want her to listen. Be frank that you think she does not care about you. It can be a wake-up call that may open a different kind of conversation between you and her. You need her, and she should take you seriously.
7. Let Go Of Expectations
Having high expectations from your mom will breed painful disappointments. Give up the thought that if you do something whatsoever, it might be that she will change and miraculously become the mom you deserved and wished for.
Let go of the expectation that your mom will wake up differently one day. The sooner, the better. If you feel your mom isn’t making an effort with you, let that be okay with you. Adjust your expectations and look for a way to cope with your feelings.
8. Create A Support Network
Form a support network that can include your mentors, friends, and others who value and wish you well. When other people support you, your mom’s criticism might not be painful, like when you don’t have support.
All of us require a strong social support network. This is vital, especially during stressful times or major life changes. When you don’t have anybody to rely on for support, you might experience hopelessness, loneliness, and isolation. When your mom expresses her lack of support, it can push you over the edge.
Create meaningful relationships and friendships regardless of how old you are. Remember, there is always time to build your support network. Mentors, friends, and other social support sources are a vital part of life. These people make it easier to go through tough times and eventually win.
9. Create Boundaries And Stick To Them
Create boundaries and stick to them. Boundaries are rules that will make your mom know what you expect from her and how she is supposed to treat you. In most cases, boundaries act as requests for the other party to change their character. However, they can moreover be things you create to protect yourself.
One of the major benefits of creating boundaries is promoting compassion. Even if your mom fails to support you, boundaries will make her more compassionate. She will express her concerns and views respectfully.
With boundaries, there will be less anger and bitterness. Without boundaries, your mom is bound to upset you, and when you feel mistreated, you might feel annoyed and bitter toward her. Boundaries speak for themselves, reducing the chances of disrespect. As a result, you are less likely to hate your mum.
10. Try To Limit The Time You Spend Together
Limit the time you spend with your mom. Then, hopefully, some space will permit you to hold onto some connection without it getting too deep.
This will also show your mom that you don’t have to see her, which may cause problems. However, keep this from preventing you from doing whatever you want. Your mom will begin to understand that nothing will change your mind, no matter what.
11. Prioritize Self-Love And Your Needs
Self-love and your needs should be your priority. You should do that when you’re around your mom and when you aren’t.
Remind yourself that you’re supposed and allowed to prioritize yourself. Do whatever feels right for you, particularly if she pushes your buttons.
This is your life, and you love your mom, but you can’t allow her to control, influence, and bring you down. Remember that it is your mom who is failing and not you. Understand that how she treats you is not a replication of your worth.
12. Be Compassionate
Try to be compassionate. Your mom’s behavior may be a result of her past. Maybe she was ignored as a child, so you can try a compassionate response toward her.
Think about why she doesn’t make an effort with you and respond in a kind and caring way. Then, allow her to talk and see whether it can lead to a productive talk. However, mention your boundaries if your mom starts to drag you down.
13. Don’t Worry, Don’t Hate
It can be disheartening for your mom to make no effort with you, but don’t dwell on that. Don’t spend your time worrying about your mom and her feelings. Sometimes, her reasons for doing this are unjustified and uncalled for. Follow your heart instead of your mom’s words.
Remember that your mom loves you. If she doesn’t care or love you, she won’t bother protesting what you think of doing to harm your relationship with her. So don’t develop hatred toward her, and don’t rag on her.
It can take time for your mom to change her mind. However, when she starts noticing that you’re succeeding, happy and satisfied, she will understand that you’re no longer a little child who needs continuous involvement and control.
She will understand that you are now a mature, wise adult who has created a path in life and knows what you’re doing. She will start keeping off, giving you the space to grow and be on your own.
14. Consider Seeking Help
Look for love, support, and advice somewhere else. Seek help from a trusted family member, a friend, or a therapist. Get advice, or talk about other things until that feeling passes.
It greatly helps to allow someone trusted to know what’s going on. Besides, it will help you understand that you aren’t alone, and all you need is to cope, adapt and keep growing.
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