What are signs you’re a bad mother? Before we go further to discuss this topic, let me break down how I feel about being a mother. I used to think I was a bad mom. That’s simply because I found that being a mom is not easy.
And thus, I learned along the way. You may feel you are too, but these signs that you’re a bad mother will likely not apply to you. Perhaps, you think that whatever you do isn’t enough for your kids. Consequently, you feel overwhelmed. Your kids’ mistakes will easily trigger you. And I knew exactly the guilt after that happened.
1. You Scream at your Child Constantly.
I admit it. I used to yell a lot, especially when I worried about financial instability or other adult issues that the kids didn’t know anything about. It’s human nature, maybe, but kids take what you say to heart.
If you constantly yell at them, they don’t understand it really isn’t about them. They start to feel worthless and like everything is their fault. Screaming over your kids will only leave trauma while the problem remains left untouched.
Instead of yelling, you can build good communication with your kids with no judgment. For example, ask your kids what things they don’t like about you. It will be nice to offer a piece of paper for them to write. From that point, you can evaluate the parenting mistakes you’ve applied so far.
2. Your Children Live in Filth.
Yes, homes get messy. Daily living isn’t tidy, nor are any family get-togethers. People get behind on things or have emergencies. Life happens. My challenge was laundry—stacks of folded laundry that never entirely made it to the drawers or closet.
So some clutter, even a little dirt, is OK. Kids are sturdy. However, if things are so bad you can’t use appliances, carpets are matted, spills and pet messes are never cleaned up, and so on, it’s a bad mom move that can put your child’s health at risk.
If you get tired of these home chores, you can consider child involvement in doing these tasks. This kind of activity will improve the bond between you and your children as well as make them learn about basic life skills.
3. You Push Them Past Their Endurance
Encouraging a child is one thing. Even giving a little push to achieve a goal is good parenting. But some moms with overly strict parenting want perfection. They want their children to have confidence. Digging deeper might reveal the mother wants at the least brag material and, at the most, can’t handle even a hint of failure.
I was one of those kids. And believe me, not being allowed to do anything else until you reach perfection at something is a toxic way to grow up. It leaves you as an adult either not trying for fear of failure or constantly feeling like you’ve failed no matter how well you are doing at a task.
If your kids experience failure, let them be. It is a learning process they need to acknowledge, knowing life doesn’t always give us what we want. As a mom, you can offer emotional support for them during this tough time.
4. You Humiliate Your Child
Humiliating and ridiculing your child is nothing more than bullying. And it is categorized as verbal abuse that is no less harmful than physical abuse. It doesn’t help your child be stronger or more of what you want them to be. It hurts.
Nobody likes being made fun of or being the cruel butt of a joke. Of all the signs of being a bad mother, this is one of the worst unhealthy family dynamics.
Children bullied and made fun of at home continuously come to believe they deserve it. These children become bullied as well at school. It sets them up for a life of verbal and emotional abuse.
What is the negative impact of bullying?
Bullying usually happens when the bullies have rage, jealousy, or revenge motives. In addition, they have no or lack control over their anger. Inconsistent parenting and family dynamics may also be the reasons someone becomes a bully. Consequently, the bullies will vent their negative emotions to the victims.
Generally, someone who has been bullied will show a shift in behavior. They will withdraw themselves from their surroundings, have anxiety or panic attacks, or, even worse, get depressed. If you see these symptoms in your child, you better ask for a mental professional help.
5. You Never Spend Money on Your Child’s Needs
Kids are expensive and frequently don’t understand the difference between a want and a need. You, as their mom, decide which one is worth it while purchasing accordingly. However, some moms just don’t care what their child needs.
I have seen children before in ragged clothes while mom is decked out in the latest trends. Their kids do without the proper basics like clothing or coats, proper shoes for the weather, and more. These moms always seem to be unable to pay the bills yet always seem to spend money on themselves while their children do without.
This is, for sure, one of the signs you’re a bad mother. I’m not talking about the moms who struggle to make ends meet yet put their children’s needs first. No, I refer to mothers who put their wants above their child’s needs repeatedly.
6. You Choose a Damaging Lifestyle
Moms are a haven for a child from bad things happening beyond their doors unless the mom chooses to bring the bad into their lives by engaging in a dangerous lifestyle. Crime, drugs, drinking to excess. All of these legal issues or criminal behavior invite harmful elements into the safe haven of the home.
For one, the people mom hangs around with aren’t the best crowd to have around their kids. Not to mention, the possibility of being arrested or dying in front of children frequently becomes a reality. Reach out for help to professionals if needed for addiction, but don’t destroy your child by engaging in horrible behaviors.
7. You Refuse to Communicate
Children love to talk and talk and keep talking. So it is customary to kind of tune out ongoing chatter a bit. However, sometimes a child will really want to have a discussion. It could be about their day, rules, or any topic on their mind.
This isn’t only chatter but comes from a sincere desire to communicate to their mom how they are feeling, what they need, or how they understand the world. If you decide never to communicate or listen as a bad mom does, they will eventually stop coming to you.
Do parents need to set boundaries with their kids?
Yes, they do! Boundaries are crucial to teach your kids how to respect other people’s privacy. They will know what kind of behavior is acceptable and which one is not. It is also useful for learning coping skills and how to discipline themselves.
Incapability to set boundaries will lead your children to become rebellious and won’t respect you as parents. However, that doesn’t mean you need to stay away from your kids and make the communication drains. You can always talk with them and make a deal about the boundaries.
8. You Expect Your Child to Be a Little Adult
There used to be a saying, “Children are to be seen, not heard.” Think about that for a second. It goes against the grain of being a child. Children like to play. It is how they learn about the world around them. They like to laugh. Being a child means living in pure joy before the world has shown its more severe side, curbing those behaviors.
The world intrudes on childhood fast enough, so being a mom won’t allow a child to be a child. It is a mom who steals her youth away. Insisting a child behave like an adult, be serious, quiet, sit silently, be too responsible for others, and do chores before the appropriate age all join together for bad. You won’t end up with a little adult but rather a child with anxiety and stunted mental growth.
9. You Don’t Care if Your Child has basic Necessities
Basic necessities are a right of every human, and you are responsible for your children. Food, water, clothing, and shelter are incomplete for people with signs of a bad mom. Bad moms don’t care if their kids are OK or not, even when it comes to providing basic physical needs or also ensuring emotional needs are met as well.
Not having them can affect you far into adulthood by creating triggers that bring you back to the past as an adult. For example, growing up with severe hunger can trigger eating disorders as adults. Never having these needs filled can lead to a child being put in foster care or them running away from home, both awful ways to move into adulthood.
10. You don’t Teach Life Skills
Good moms make sure they teach their child life skills. For example, a child should have the essential ability to cook a small meal, wash a load of laundry and do some basic housekeeping. Bad moms rarely do this as they are focused on themselves or pampering their children.
My mother had several surgeries when I was small, so I sometimes had to fill her shoes. I was grateful she had taught me when I needed to know how to run the household while she was gone in the hospital.
Unfortunately, kids today seem to be slowly losing the ability to draw on life skills. If the mom is a bad mom and didn’t teach them anything, now they turn to online videos for instruction on essential things. To teach your kids about those basic life skills, role modeling may be the best way, to begin with. You can give an example first then let your children follow.
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