Know that you are not the only one if you have difficulty getting along with your parents or guardians. It is very normal for children and their parents to have conflicting viewpoints and agendas, particularly when the children are adolescents. It’s not uncommon for these issues to follow a person into adulthood. If you often think, “My mom is always mad at me, “I’ll equip you with skills to better manage your relationship with your mom.
As we grow, we have those moments when we believe our guardian or parent is “mean” to us. It’s usually because of attempting to assert your freedom while still subject to your parents’ rules (and consequences). “I hate my mom” is a thought that many teens have. It’s possible, though, that there’s more to the story.
Mental health issues, childhood dysfunction, or extreme environmental, interpersonal, or monetary strain are all factors that might negatively impact a mom’s ability to raise her children properly. In addition, interactions between parents and children can become more strained when reactions to these triggers take the form of rage or authoritarianism.
You can feel angry and frustrated if you’re trying to establish your independence while your parents take precautions they believe are important to keep you safe. These control issues will also trigger anxiety as you can’t reveal what you want to your parents, knowing that, in the end, they will disrespect your choice.
These feelings are normal, valid, and understandable. However, while some moms’ actions may seem overpowering, indifferent, or unneeded, their true motivation is usually much more straightforward: they want to keep their children safe.
A gentle talk with your mom about how to strike a balance between your need for freedom and their need to keep you safe is an excellent place to start. You might better understand each other’s motivations if the talk doesn’t begin in the heat of an argument.
Conflicts With Our Moms Are Normal
Mother-child relationships are incredibly complicated and sometimes troublesome, regardless of whether you are an adult or still a teenager. Remember that tensions between moms and their kids are nothing new; chances are your parents went through something similar when they were young.
Try to remember that your mom is human, too, and that they will make mistakes just like you will. You may feel offended or irritated at your mom if they are curt with you, constantly remind you that you have work to do, or show no enthusiasm for your interests.
We often underestimate the destructive power of our words. People going through a tough time can act in unhealthy ways, such as being dismissive, hurtful, or even rude.
Many people find that discussing their family dynamics with a therapist helps them gain insight and support. One option for those seeking help for mental health issues is to work with a private therapist. In addition, online counseling may be an option if you’re interested in improving your communication skills and would need assistance working on improving your relationship with your mom.
How To Deal With an Angry Mom
Communicate with your mom when neither of you feels particularly angry or frustrated. Try talking to her in a level-headed manner instead. For example, say, “Despite how often we disagree, I believe we both want our relationship to grow. Can we discuss this for a moment?”
Then, use “I” sentences as you describe your emotions. For example, instead of “You scream at me for the smallest things,” try saying, “I can’t seem to do anything properly in your eyes.” Your approval means a lot to me, and I’d like to improve our relationship with you, but I don’t know how.” Make an effort to hear what your mom has to say, too.
Why does anger management important?
One of the purposes of anger management is to regulate your anger and negative emotions that overflow your mind. Most of the time, people with anger issues can’t control their feelings and end up with guilt and regret afterward. It can take control of yourself and may damage your personal relationship with others. Besides, anger often leads to mental health issues, such as depression.
This condition may trigger other problems. For instance, communication breakdown with your closest ones, including family. And eventually withdrawing yourself from them as you are afraid of provoking family conflicts. Hence, seeking professional help to manage your anger is necessary just in case you feel overwhelmed.
Take the Time To Hear Her Out
You may attribute their anger to a lack of appreciation for you. Still, chances are it’s a result of their own dissatisfaction, money worries, the fact that their car broke down this morning, a family dispute, or a simple misunderstanding over something you did.
Consider what they are saying and refrain from interrupting; they won’t be angry with you forever.
When they’re done screaming at you about what you did wrong, it’s your turn to share how you feel and give an explanation.
You Shouldn’t Take It to Heart
There’s no reason to take criticism personally if you’re certain you didn’t do anything wrong. Well, that’s maybe easier said than done. But, having resentment towards your mom when you are sure that you are not the trigger will give you no benefits. Instead, it will make you feel grumpy all day.
We discussed how there are probably a million other causes for their anger. And that most of them have nothing to do with you.
Remember to Breathe
Breathing exercises are the best emotional regulation that can teach you how to control your breathing.
This will keep the situation from worsening and you from getting into a fight with them. Watch what happens to your body when someone yells at you.
You may experience symptoms like tense muscles, racing heart, shallow breathing, profuse perspiration, and more.
Saying something like, “I understand you’re upset, and I would like to solve this problem, but everybody is too angry and upset to have a dialogue about it,” can be a good option if you cannot handle the yelling and screaming.
You may also request time alone by saying something like, “I need some time to think.”
If your mom is upset, don’t recommend they calm down. Doing so can come across as disrespectful and have the opposite impact.
Another thing to consider is the context of the conversation before leaving a room where your mum is yelling at you directly.
Check Your Behavior and Expectations
While your mom’s anger may seem unjustified, it’s important to consider your role in causing the tension. For example, do you regularly disobey her? Are you making decisions that go against what she believes in?
Even while you have the freedom to make your own decisions, asking your parents to accept a lifestyle that goes against their wishes may be unreasonable.
People can’t possibly agree all the time, and sometimes the big stuff is what destroys a relationship for good. You must establish certain limits with your mom to keep your sanity.
If you’re still living at home but have reached the age where you can afford to be on your own, it might be time to start making arrangements to find your own place.
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FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)
Is Your Mom Experiencing Difficult Times Right Now?
The outward manifestation of emotion, such as rage, can sometimes be a cover for another feeling. For example, an ongoing anger problem or a shift in mood could result from a stressor. It can be being unemployed or having financial difficulties. Moreover, a personal loss, trauma, tragedy, or an untreated mental health condition like depression is also one of the triggers of this anger issue.
If you are aware of the sources of strain in your parent’s life, one of the most helpful things you can do is to show that you care about them.
You may do this in several ways, including lending a hand around the house, providing words of encouragement, or just listening to them. Everyone, including parents and guardians, needs help in times of difficulty.
Helping a parent through a rough patch may strengthen your bond with them. But remember that you are not accountable for your mom’s emotional or psychological well-being.
Your parents’ reactions to adversity should never be an excuse for their violent behavior. And if it ever does, you need to get away from there immediately. Consider the above strategies if you can’t leave your abusive mom’s house.
Are You Safe?
When parents get furious, it’s not because they mean any harm to their kids. However, this kind of behavior may develop anxious and disorganized attachment styles.
On the other hand, if you feel threatened by your mom, this could be a sign of bigger problems. When your mom gets mad, does she become physically or verbally abusive? Is she dangerous? Do you regularly experience physical or mental violence, neglect, or maltreatment?
You should probably seek professional assistance if you responded “yes” to any of the questions above.
No matter how upset a parent is, a child should never feel threatened or subjected to physical or verbal abuse. Until you reach adulthood, it’s your parent’s duty to see to your physical and emotional well-being. There are options for support if they can’t or won’t assist you.
Seek the advice of a mental health expert if you’re struggling to discern where to draw the line in your relationship with your mom. If your relationship with your mom needs fixing, you two could benefit from attending counseling together.
Does professional assistance help you deal with family conflicts?
Seeking assistance from an outside party is not a show of weakness but rather a demonstration of strength, and many relationships have been strengthened through family or individual counseling.
You should approach your mom or another parent in a non-confrontational and non-accusatory manner if you wish to attend therapy with them.
Seeking professional help in the form of family counseling does not imply guilt or wrongdoing; rather, it indicates a desire to foster a more positive and healthy bond with your mom. Also, fix behavioral issues she may have toward you.
When discussing going to counseling, emphasize how doing so might bring you and your mom even closer to one another. If you are a newbie, you can have your first counseling session online and share what you and your mom feel to the professional. It may help you lower your anxiety just in case you want to have another meeting on-site.
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