You’ve known your Mom the whole life, doesn’t mean you or your Mom can’t feel stressed. This will lead to difficult conversations and talk. Angry parents can be challenging to face since, unlike your relationships with friends, which you can easily navigate, dealing with parental anger demands more strategic resolutions.
Give Your Mom Space and Time to Calm Down
Before initiating communication, let your Mom have her space and time to calm down. At this stage, it’s healthy for your Mom to be alone instead of keep apologizing to her. By being alone, your Mom can feel more relaxed and evaluate how the anger feels to her. This will take your Mom to a more peaceful state so that she will be more ready for further communication with you.
People have unique strategies to help them digest feelings and emotions. So, soothing themselves can differ from one person to another. But it’s essential to keep some peace-promoting elements at home to create a serene ambiance. First, clean up the spots where your Mom spends most of her time, such as the kitchen, living room, and bedroom. When her corners are chaotic, it will be harder for her to unwind. Relaxing music, dim light, and aromatic candles will also help.
What if She Hurt You?
Sometimes the situation is the other way around. What if your Mom is the one who hurt you? If it’s the case, your best bet is to let her know she hurt your feelings. But if you can’t do this right away, please respect yourself. You can also use some time to unwind and digest and evaluate your emotions. In the meantime, avoid giving your Mom the silent treatment or stop talking back to her, as this will worsen the situation.
When you think the time is right and you’re ready, ask your Mom if she has time to discuss it. Remember to confess your hurt feelings calmly. Mature parents will never mean to irritate their kids. But they’re humans too. Most of the time, this occurs unintentionally.
Show Empathy and Understanding
Whoever feels the pain always shows empathy and understanding, especially when discussing resolving the problem. Teens will find it beneficial to learn about being empathetic and understanding. These two can be realized by cultivating active listening skills and being aware that there are always two sides to a coin.
First, let your parents finish what they’re talking about before responding. Next, constantly challenge your perspective because you might need to be corrected. Try to walk in their shoes and know where they stand. This way, you can learn how to be empathetic and more understanding.
What Should I do if My Mom is Always Criticizing Me?
Although slightly similar, there’s a line between angry parents and critical parents. Angry parents seem more occasional and reasonable since they need proper reasons to be angry. Anger is only a one-time emotional response to certain unpleasant events. While critical is a constant behavior to point out things that do not match expectations.
We know that most parents always want the best for their children. But this can’t be translated into the right to set unrealistic expectations for their kids. If you’re in this situation, long-standing criticisms will negatively impact your behavior. You will see yourself do things if you do them perfectly. Thus, you will tend to avoid risks. Always seek help from your other family members or school counselor.
Use “I” Statements
When expressing emotions, use “I” statements, such as “I feel angry when you don’t listen to me,” “I am sad that you seem to neglect me,” and “I don’t feel appreciated.” Besides showing assertiveness, this helps lower the tension, defensiveness, and accusations. My Mom won’t feel attacked by your confession. While “you” statements such as “You’re so unappreciative” and “You always criticize me” tend to corner your angry Mom, “I” messages sound more precise and more confident and allow your Mom to acknowledge your position.
But be careful in selecting your arguments. Some “I” messages can seem so selfish too. For instance, “I’m sorry you got hurt, I didn’t mean that” or “I didn’t intend to harm you” do not indicate that you own your wrongdoings. Also, you project your actions as others’ faults by doing this.
Avoid Getting Defensive
Let us get this straight, you should always stand up for yourself. But in a situation where you need to apologize, being defensive will complicate the whole case, and you risk being less respectful. Especially if you are in the wrong in this scenario, stop protecting your ego because people will see right through your excuses and lies. Thus, being defensive exposes your flaws even more.
So, what should you do? Instil in your mind that making mistakes is normal. The truth is, getting disappointed by people intentionally and unintentionally is inevitable. Embrace and own your mistakes by sincerely apologizing without being so defensive. This is also a reminder to set realistic and healthy expectations for yourself. So, it is easier for you to forgive yourself if you commit any wrongdoings in the future.
Apologize if Necessary
If you think that dealing with parental anger requires constant apologizing, you’re wrong. It takes more than just a sincere apology to regain your Mom’s trust. After giving her time to reflect and unwind, prepare yourself to be more empathetic and understanding; it’s time to ask for an apology.
Apologizing for your faults benefits you in many ways. First, it will free you from feeling guilty. Second, it can re-establish dignity. Besides that, it shows that you’re being empathetic toward your injured Mom and it tends to re-establish comfort in the relationship. It takes humility and integrity to admit that you’ve wronged her.
How Can I Express My Feelings to My Mom Without Making Her Angry?
When apologizing, admit it wholeheartedly to your Mom and keep your explanations brief and straightforward. No one would hear a lengthy clarification as it makes you look desperate to justify yourself. Brief explanations can look like, “I was tired of my packed schedule and easily got irritated. But I know that didn’t mean I could project my anger onto you. I’m deeply sorry,” or “I shouldn’t have yelled at you just because I was stressed of my school projects. I do apologize for that”.
This also marks another round of active listening skills. Let your Mom express the feelings that bother her. Do not interrupt, interfere, or distract her. Make sure your Mom knows that you understand her points by listening thoroughly. If you think she makes non-sense arguments, avoid rebutting her right away. You have all the time in the world to discuss and revisit it later.
Work Together to Find a Solution
Some moms take time to heal, some are not talking or responding right away, and some are ready to find agreed solutions to create more harmonious relationships. Whichever type your Mom is, at some point, you should compromise with your Mom. You can start by finding out her expectations and wants. Divide which ones of those align with your aspirations. The purpose is for your Mom to manage her expectations and for you to determine where compromise is possible.
To make things work, you and your Mom should agree on when and where the conditions will likely be effective. For instance, you will only be granted an extended curfew during the weekend. Other than that, your Mom has a right to punish you. Another example is when your Mom can be with you full day without undivided attention. If your Mom can’t fulfill that, you two should work on rescheduling time. Always make it fair and balanced; thus, if needed, you can make a written agreement.
Preventing Future Conflicts
The agreement mentioned in the previous point is also intended to prevent any future possible conflicts in the near future. Since disputes are inevitable, no matter how small they can be, you should also include chosen problem-solving strategies in the agreement. Along the way, you can hone your communication and problem-solving skills.
Bear in mind that family conflict is normal to an extent. Find the silver lining by using family conflict management as a learning opportunity to sharpen your survival skills. The skills are, among others, conflict management, negotiation, active listening skills, and seeing things from other perspectives.
What Do You Do After Apologizing
After admitting your faults and saying sorry, hug your Mom. Hugging is scientifically proven to give you comfort and increase trust. One thing is for sure, you can’t force anyone to forgive you. You will never know how far your actions or words have affected your Mom’s feelings. It’s up to her to grant you an apology right after you say you’re sorry.
However, making amends to make things better and more mature remains essential. Because some moms would love to see your hard work to prove that you walk your talk and deserve another chance.
Final Thought
Unlike resolving conflicts with your friends, where you can use friendly gestures and approaches, managing conflicts and dynamics with your Mom can be tricky. Because mom-children’s relationships are a special bond full of love, expectations, and hopes that form overall well-being. We can avoid conflicts in our life; thus, it is normal for you to face a family issue now and then. We know that each family has strategies for handling conflicts, but there are broad outlines to follow when managing disagreements.
No matter which problem-solving strategies you believe to be the best, taking a step back for a moment is helpful for both parties to evaluate their position and digest their feelings. Give yourself time and space to be in tune with your emotions and revisit the disputes when both parties are ready. Before expressing your regrets, remember to practice active listening skills, empathy, understanding, and using brief “I” statements. Note that it’s your Mom’s right to accept your apology immediately, or she needs your commitment first.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How do I calm my Mom when she’s mad?
Just give her space and time for her to embrace and tap into her feelings, emotions, and pressures. She will have the freedom to express herself through her favorite activities. Show some support by cleaning and tidying up her corners, setting an aromatic candle, and minimizing unnecessary talk with her.
How do you get your Mom to forgive you?
Talk and listen to her at the right moment. Making amends to improve your relationship you’re your Mom is also important. While no one can guarantee that your Mom will grant you an apology immediately, it’s essential to take the necessary steps to regain her trust. You should focus on the long-term solution instead of merely showing regrets.
How do I fix my relationship with my Mom?
Walk the talk to show the commitment that you deserve another chance at self-improvement. However, the journey to fulfill your commitment also matters. Acknowledging your mom’s hopes and expectations while being compassionate about that is a good start. To keep it fair, you can let your Mom knows your aspirations. Always set aside at least a day a week to have a date with your Mom.
How can I approach my Mom when she’s upset without making things worse?
Find the right time after she takes a break. If you don’t want to make things go south, then wait until her mind is clearer. Apologize sincerely and calmly if you make mistakes and avoid pointing fingers at her.
What should I say when apologizing to my Mom?
Use the straightforward “I” statements and keep them brief. Your arguments should be genuine and humble. Our suggestions are, “I am deeply sorry for things I’ve done to you. I know I’m stressed with my school activities but that shouldn’t have justified my mistakes,” “I’m wholeheartedly sorry for creating this mess.”. Remind yourself that your Mom’s reaction or response is still part of the consequences. So, you do not ever force her to grant you an apology immediately.
Over the years, I have seen my fair share of teenage issues. I have also seen plenty of worried parents at a loss of what to do with their children.
My aim with Talking Teenage is to put a stop to this and help you to communicate with your teenagers better. This will leave you with a better relationship and help you to keep such a close bond.
Please take the time to read my website and learn anything you can - we were all teenagers once!
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