why is my mom so sensitive

why is my mom so sensitive

This was me a few months ago. My mom would get pissed by a mere question I asked. She would hiss at me for the tiniest mistake. Whenever I tried to explain myself, she said I was talking back and disrespected her. I tried to talk with her, but it made things worse. She said I was too moody to obey anything she wanted. She would talk and talk and cry, and I didn’t know what to do next, so I always left the house. 

I wondered why she was too sensitive; I mean, isn’t it unhealthy to be that sensitive? Her being too sensitive affected my studies, and later my grades dropped. I thought I was the big problem, so I sought counseling.

Here’s what I learned about most parents and why some parents are too sensitive. Is it our fault, or is it something wrong with them?

Why Is My Mom So Sensitive?

Here’s what I learned about excessively sensitive moms.

Your Mom Might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

Your Mom Might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

A highly sensitive person is someone who reacts to what others consider subtle. They are ever conscious of the tiniest detail in their environment. A highly sensitive person is constantly overwhelmed by other people’s energies and moods. That explains why your mom is overly sensitive when you are in a bad mood – they are also affected by your mood swings.

Highly sensitive persons are also sensitive to lights and sounds and are affected by large crowds. In addition, they are heavily influenced by social stimuli, including other people’s facial expressions and emotions. 

As a mom who is an HSP, your happiness becomes their happiness, and your pain becomes their pain.

Is HSP a disorder?

Absolutely not. HSP is a personality trait that people are born with. Some experts say HSP is sometimes inherited. To know if you are an HSP, answer the questions below.

  • Do you get overwhelmed when you are around people? 
  • Do you become more upset than others around you who are also upset over a common thing? 
  • Do you find yourself overthinking something subtle around you?
  • Do you find yourself reading someone’s mood based on their facial expression? 

If you answered yes, you might be a highly sensitive person too. However, your mom may not be aware of this personality trait.

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If you answered no to some of the above questions, you might not be a highly sensitive mom. So if you discover that you are dealing with a highly sensitive mom, be cautious about your moods around them and carefully think about every word you say. Also, think carefully about the tiniest action you take around her.

Mommy Knows Best

Mommy Knows Best

Most moms believe they are the only ones who know what is best for their children – and it’s true, they do know. That’s why when you question their actions towards you, it may serve as an insult to them. For example, before I knew about this, I used to ask my mom why she chose to homeschool me when I was a kid – I hated it. 

She would not even answer me, but she looked hurt, and sometimes she would answer me with a couple of other hurtful questions. So I realized that the only way to avoid making her feel that she never made good decisions in my life when I was little was to stop asking too many questions.

Nowadays, I carefully craft my questions if I have to ask her. So I looked for help from my dad and did a little research on Google on how to phrase a critical question.

As crazy as this looks, it helps our relationship, rarely do I hurt her with my questions like before.

She Adores You Too Much.

She Adores You Too Much.

I, too, never thought that she adored me. I always felt that she was looking for a way to get me in trouble with her. 

Many parents don’t want their kids falling into the same pit as they did. So they would do anything possible to avoid this. That is why they will excessively think about a school, a teacher, or a friend that comes into contact with their children.

No mom wants their kids in trouble, but some tend to overthink their children’s issues. Overthinking, in turn, becomes over-sensitivity.

What you may consider a minor issue is a big one for them. That friend that she doesn’t approve of may be a minor issue for you, but for your mom, it is something that would destroy you in the future. Huh? Yeah, that’s right. According to most moms, everything happening to you now translates to what will happen to you in the future.

Other aspects contribute to your mom’s oversensitivity, but the above are the three most notorious. First, I noticed that my mom is a highly sensitive person. Unfortunately, she didn’t know about it, so I sought the intervention of our family counselor, who explained it to her.

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The counselor had a lengthy talk with us, and here are the tips she suggested. Your mom may not have a highly sensitive personality trait, but I’m sure the other two aspects cause her oversensitivity.

It doesn’t matter what makes her so sensitive; below are some tips to help you live better with her and maintain a healthy relationship.

How to Deal With a Sensitive Mom

Below are great ways to deal with a sensitive mom.

Do Not Rush Her

Do Not Rush Her

You may have noticed that she takes so much time to make critical decisions. Like when she walks into a grocery store, she does not only need to think about the mountain of choices available; she has to think about the nutritional benefits, the ingredients, the price, and so much more.

As she thinks about it, she suddenly thinks about the value of the chicken she wants to pick. Then, her mind flashes to how a bunch of sad chicken is cooped up and slaughtered. She then starts to think if she can live with that kind of guilt. Funny, right?

That’s the reality of a highly sensitive mom. And for this reason, you need to be patient with her. Don’t rush her with questions; when you ask her a question, take your time to listen. Sit and listen when she tells you a story while looking directly at her.

Maintain a Deep Relationship With Her

Maintain a Deep Relationship With Her

Perhaps one of the reasons she’s sensitive to everything you do is because she feels a drift between you two. How is the relationship between you two? Do you have time together? Did you spend quality time with her?

If you realize you are drifting away from her, try to revive your relationship.

Give Them the Liberty to Get Emotional 

Give Them the Liberty to Get Emotional 

According to the author of The Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Elaine Aaron, sensitive people are not only sensitive to their environment but also to emotions. Therefore, they can’t help but share their emotions. So if your mom gets emotional, be there for her and do not judge her emotional character. 

If you think your mom is sensitive, she will not fail to show her anger, happiness, disappointments, and anything in between. Appreciating this side of her would mean a lot to her. 

Manage Conflict in a Healthy Way

Manage Conflict in a Healthy Way

Highly Sensitive Person or not, a fight with your mom is the worst, and a sensitive mom will be extra anxious and sad. After the fight, an internal battle begins. There’s nothing worse than your mom having an internal battle with you.

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If you have a conflict with her, try to apologize whether you are in the wrong or not.

Don’t Get on Her Nerves

Don't Get on Her Nerves

If your mom is an HSP, they mostly think about the worst-case scenario before anything else. So if you share a story about how your day went, approach her with ‘everything is fine; avoid starting with the negative part.

Be careful not to mention some of the things that she doesn’t like. For example, if she is not fond of a friend in your school or neighborhood, avoid mentioning the name of the friend or neighbor to her.

If you give her a story of how your dog almost got hit by a car, start by telling her everything is fine. You can then proceed with the gory details.

Do Something Kind Often

Do Something Kind Often

One great advantage of a sensitive mom is that a small, kind gesture will make them tear up in joy. Their super senses are a beauty. They are easily moved and quickly delighted by the small kind things.

Praise her, show her a beautiful sunset or buy her a rose, and she will feel like a queen. Our mothers easily get caught up in the simple magic of life. 

When your mom suddenly gets mad at you for something you consider small, it is easy to think she doesn’t care or love you. You might think she doesn’t like you anymore, which is normal. But it’s nearly impossible for a mom to hate her child, so if you feel she’s a bit too insensitive, she still cares. 

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