If it’s late afternoon on a Sunday and your teenage daughter has yet to surface from the depths of her bedroom, you’re undoubtedly going to ask yourself, why is my teenage daughter always in her room? You may also be worried whether something is going wrong in her life to make her crave isolation.
However, this isn’t necessarily why she is staying in her room. She may have fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning or may be feeling a bit unwell and simply needs to rest.
Or, like any other teenager in the world, she may be craving some peace to get on with her life and want to have personal space to relieve stress.
This teenage behavior can often be quite disconcerting as a parent. But there is often a simple explanation.
She Wants Privacy
While it might appear that your child is staying in her room because she is lazy, there could be various other reasons that could explain her behavior. One of the most simple is that she wants a bit of privacy.
Remember what you were like as a teenager. Chances are you also retreated to your room for some space from time to time.
Your daughter’s room is likely a safe space where she can openly contemplate everything going on in her life – without the worry of others crashing the peace.
Your teenage years are a crucial time to figure things out, determine who you are, and also look at who and what you want to become in the future. So, it’s very likely that your daughter is just taking some time to figure herself out and needs privacy.
You might be best leaving her to do her own thing. Then, when she is ready, she’ll be more likely to come to you when she’s ready to socialize again.
Why my kids need privacy?
As they get older, your children will explore new interests, passions, and ideas that may not suit your value. Hence, they need a personal space to know about what they want without your interruption. Besides, it is normal if they keep some secrets from you. It means they require some time to process and acknowledge everything before they are ready to share them. Generally, you can expect this phase when they experience puberty.
She Struggles With Insecurity
If your daughter struggles with her appearance or has a fear of being openly judged by others, you might find that this greatly impacts her desire to leave her bedroom.
She might be panicking about not being good enough or not fitting in because of something that may be deemed as “unusual.” In this instance, it’s best to let her work through her thoughts, as you may overwhelm her with your advice.
Instead, you should reassure her and lend an ear whenever she needs it the most. This will have more of a positive impact on her mental health than you could probably imagine.
How to deal with body dysmorphia?
Body dysmorphia is a mental health condition related to body image issues, where you cannot get rid of thoughts about flaws and imperfection of your body. It will get worse if you have peer pressure about beauty standard in our society. For example, you have to be skinny, white, and blonde to look pretty. As the results, they cope with self-isolation and anxiety since they feel unworthy to fit to the society. If your kids staying in room all day because of this issue, you can help them with these tips:
- Introduce journaling. It will help a lot to share their thoughts when they cannot use their voice to reveal what they feel. Journaling also beneficial to track down emotion, be it positive or negative.
- Find a hobby. It may help distract them from negative thoughts about their bodies. Besides, hobby also lifts up their mood and energy, leaving no room for anxiety.
- Try to socialize. If they find it difficult to join a large group, they can start with inviting their best friends to watch movies together. Self-isolution can only worsen the symptomps.
- Stay focused on your goal. Healing is long journey. Instead of seeking a fast track, you can help your kids to enjoy the process. Talk to them when they need someone to pour their feelings. Communication is a powerful weapon to win this battle.
She Doesn’t Have Outside Hobbies
Your Daughter Is A Natural Introvert
Social anxiety disorder (SAD) or social phobia is a chronic mental health issue caused by past trauma. For example, experiencing family dynamics and negative parenting styles. In addition, children who experience bullying, rejection, teasing, and humiliation tend to be vulnerable to social phobia. They will withdraw from society and their peers and prefer to be alone.
According to the NHS UK, some of the characteristics of those who experience a social anxiety disorder are:
- Feeling overwhelmed when you are about to meet people, especially strangers
- You will be extremely anxious about any social life, such as gatherings, meetings, or partying
- Always worry if you do something wrong, and it will embarrass you in front of people
- You may also notice sweating, blushing, trembling, pounding, and cramping if you are in the crowd
- Find it hard to do things, like presenting your work, when people are watching
What You Can Do To Help
The best thing you can do to help your teenage daughter is to provide support when she needs it the most. For example, you should accept your daughter for who she is and respect all of her decisions – even if you don’t fully agree – to ensure there are no future issues.
Raising a teenage daughter can be a delicate process at times. But if you promote an open and honest relationship with your daughter and respect her choices, you will likely have little to no trouble at all.
Remember that no matter your daughter’s hobbies or career interests, this is a critical time for identity development where she is learning about who she truly is as a person.
And if having a little bit of alone time in the safety of her room is how she chooses to de-stress and evaluate things, you should allow her to have the space.
Worrying Signs To Watch Out For
It’s completely normal for your teenager to want to be alone. But if your daughter has withdrawn too much, then it might be time for you to step in. Before you do, you should observe the following signs:
- A loss of interest in speaking to friends or doing activities they once enjoyed
- Over or undersleeping each night
- Insomnia
- Withdrawing from family and friends
- Irritability
- Emotional withdrawal
- Experiencing headaches or fatigue that just doesn’t go away
If your teenage daughter is showing any of these signs and isolates herself in her room all the time, it may be a sign that she is struggling with depression. In this instance, it’s time to intervene. But make sure to do it on her terms and in a manner that makes her feel comfortable.
When should you seek mental therapy?
If you notice noticeable changes of eat, sleep, and personality patterns in your kids that affect their daily activites, consider asking for therapist help. Those may be signs that they battle with mental health issue, like depression. Depressed people are clever in covering their struggles. They may seem okay, while actually they are hurting. You can help them by asking a non-judgemental questions or validating their feelings, for instance:
- Are you okay? You look sad today.
- You seem a little bit down these days. Do you have anything to share with me?
- I may never feel what you’ve been through, but you can always talk to me if you need ears.
- It’s okay to feel sad, disappointed, and angry. Your feelings are valid. If you feel those make your heart aches, you can talk to me. I am here.
Does therapist help dealing with depression?
If the signs get worse and they still isolate their feelings from you, you must call a therapist. They will help you recognize the symptoms of depression as well as make an accurate diagnosis. Thus, you will have proper treatment to battle this mental health issue. According to Mayo Clinic, your therapist will examine your symptoms using these following methods:
- Physical examination. They will ask you about your current health condition and what you feel. Some depression are linked to health issues.
- Laboratory test. As the results of physical examination, they will take your blood and test the thyroid level as it affects mood.
- Psychiatric evaluation. In most cases, your professional therapist will give you a questionnaire to fill out. They will also ask about your feelings, behavioral patterns and the changes you experience.
- DSM-5. After careful and thorough examination, they will make a list of depression criteria based on the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-R) by American Psychiatric Association. From that point, your mental health professional may diagnose what kind of depression you have.
After that, they will recommend you taking mental health treatment. Generally, the treatment includes psychotherapy and/or taking medications. If you wonder about your kids’ state of depression and want to talk to a professional, you can book your appointment at Mayo Clinic.
Summary
There are many reasons why your teenage daughter is always in her room. Whether she wants autonomy, privacy, is shy, or has something more serious going on – you must respect her space, and decisions, and also treat her with respect. Nonetheless, if she deals with technology addiction, withdrawing herself from her surroundings, or showing signs of depression, we highly recommend you seeking for professional help.
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Over the years, I have seen my fair share of teenage issues. I have also seen plenty of worried parents at a loss of what to do with their children.
My aim with Talking Teenage is to put a stop to this and help you to communicate with your teenagers better. This will leave you with a better relationship and help you to keep such a close bond.
Please take the time to read my website and learn anything you can - we were all teenagers once!
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